(SILENT SOLDIER IN COMPUTER-WARS,BY LOUSY,OVER-RATED EUGENE ARTIST)
.”i HATE THAT PLACE!”–I said to Caroline and Eveline, two good friends, in the car coming back from my latest “escape”; “WHY DID YOU GUYS SIGN ME INTO THAT PEACE-HEALTH HELL-HOLE?!” “I hear the food is good,” side-lined Eveline, from the front seat, while Caroline was driving. “THAT has nothing to do with it!” I hissed at them,still wrapped in a blanket from the psych-ward, clutching my plastic bag stenciled with the words “MY STUFF”.
Thank God, this time Peace-Health didn’t “innocently-lose” several bottles of expensive meds, like they did last time, because I refused to let them store the extra, private bottles from home, away in a separate locker again, so I never got them back .(i.e., outside hospitals, its called “employee-theft.”) Cheeese, they had either sold them,or gotten very high off of tons of drugs my insurance paid for! —I had complained, but what’s a complaint to Peace-Health Corporation? NADA.!
(You don’t complain to them,you get a good,out-of-state attorney, and SUE THEM. ONLY thing they take seriously, besides money; a legal-suit. They don’t take MEDICINE, the skill, seriously. it gets in the way.)
“I got a bad sinus-infection in there, and they wouldn’t let me see a medical doctor,” I continued, ” A dumb PSYCHIATRIST finally got me anti-biotics! Crap.” “At least they got you a doctor,” continued Eveline, turning her head to the back-seat. “A psychiatrist isn’t a DOCTOR,” I groused, “all they do now is push-pills!” “That’s ALL doctors do, now,” sighed Caroline, keeping her eyes on the road.”They don’t even examine you! they just caress their COMPUTERS INSTEAD!”.
But it was too late, Caroline had muttered the forbidden word. At the first hint of the word “compu–“ I had fallen apart, started to scream, and tried to throw myself out the back-car window, where I unfortunately got jammed in, half out, half in, still screaming the garbled words, “FUCCCCCKK—-JAAA—VVVVAAAHHH! FUUUU–CCCC–K– JAAA-VVVAAAAHH! FUUCCCKK— FIRRRRRE—FOOOOXXXX!!” –while the car in the lane parallel to me became startled enough to stop talking on their cell-phone, afraid suddenly I was the Eugene City police.
“Oh,Caroline,”said Eveline, bending into the back, and trying to pull me out of the side-back-window, yanking on my pants; “Can’t you pull over? I can’t–get her–outta the–window!! She’s stuck!” “I can’t, “rasped Caroline, “We’re on 11th St.(ave?) and it’s bottle-neck-traffic! If I try to MOVE, we’ll hit the damn Green Shit-Monster!”–she referred to the NEW EMX BUS, which was even now scraping the sides of the car, as it trundled nosily past, in the middle lane, ruining the paint-job, and breaking off cars’ side-mirrors, as it bollocked past.
“How did you let her get out the window?”–accused Caroline of Eveline, while the latter frantically grabbed at my pajama bottoms,and I sucked in my head, finally, clawing the paint off the outside of the Green-Shit-Monster, avoiding another “Green”-head-collision–trauma-case down town. Caroline spent almost an hr. getting off main 11th, locked into the 3-lane-bumper-car-traffic that now girded the Monster, for many, MANY miles away from the University and from downtown that had become regular columns of horizontal metal & steel, for many hours every day. How anyone got OFF the Shit-Monster, without getting flattened, we never found out. “You said the C-WORD!!” accused Eveline, finally plopping me down onto the back seat. “Ooops, I forgot,” sighed Caroline, getting onto my road.
The two of them got me home, got me well-medicated; Eveline warmed up some hot milk, added cocoa and Splenda, handed me a big mug of it; that eventually got me to stop screaming “FUCK–JAVAHHH!!”–at least for a while.”You lost a little weight in there, “Eveline said to me, gently,while I slurped cocoa. “She lost almost 15 lb.s, “said Caroline, shaking out “MyStuff”. Eveline gasped under her breath;”Honey,” she said, alarmed, “Didn’t you like ANY of the food there?” I stared at her; Caroline stared at Eveline; finally, slupping the last cocoa, I said, almost calmly; “NO JAVA -WORK! NO BROWSER WORK! Even SAVVY-DUCK can’t fix crappy JAVA or fucking FIREFOX!! AND DUCK IS GOOD! Even GOD not able-fix my websites! ” I started to cry again.
“Now you got her started, ” sighed Caroline, looking for the “pm-meds” again. “She’s not the only crazed victim in Oregon, or even Eugene; the doctor said, sales of tranquilizers is going thru the roof— all over the U.S.! And admittance to emergency rooms and psycho-wards!” “What exactly is “java”?” asked Eveline, “A brand of coffee went out of business?” “I see you’re lucky or smart enough to stay off com–“Caroline stopped from saying the whole word, looking at me. “I don’t follow technology too much, ” said Eveline, “I even have a phone land-line.”
I looked at her and smiled; a fellow-co-conspirator! “I didn’t know that!–Caroline, she’s one of US!”I GURGLED, forgetting to cry, and slapping Eveline on the back. “YAY!” “Me neither, ” said Caroline, “The–C-Word_ makes me frustrated, I can’t use one. But, Sandramina, here; she has her own BLOG; she does lots of painting on Oekaki- art-sites; she gets into pirate-movie-sites” Caroline smiled at me.”She gets around all over the web, a lot for a senior.” I nodded.
“But “Java” is a horribly-designed required software for many C-Word-users, and it is now constantly fouling up ALL USERS, even for business. So now Old Sand, here, lost her chrome-browser( that’s what it does, browses every where) and FIREFOX-BROWSER is full of illegal, harmful data; and Old Sand can’t draw, paint, java won’t function, (she explained it to me, earlier) firefox lost all her passwords, can’t go on Facebook,”—I interupted, “That’s not a big deal, I can use Zucker’s ESP instead!”–
“But you need Java, to make ART!!” continued Caroline, exasperated;” IF Java is not fixed, addicts of the–C-Word cannot DO A LOT ONLINE!! OR, they gotta dump Browsers fula malware, & just read books, or watch tv—-no more addicts of C_Word, no more DOPE for Addicts!!” Caroline paused. “Eveline, you see how serious this “C-Word” crisis is? Oracle, Java, Windows, Microsoft, Firefox! They’ve become all EVIL! CORRUPT! MAL-WARED! SICK! The main companies of software are now POLUTTED, EVIL, and NON-FUNCTIONING!
“I just read, almost half the population of San Francisco, CA, has jumped off their Golden Gate Bridge! WIRED Magazine suicided it’s entire staff! (yeah, it always was a cult.) Bill Gates won’t stop ROCKING in the Company-Rocking-Chair! —and those 3rd-World-Countries won’t give him back all his donated billions! everyone is rushing out, and buying APPLES! Maybe Steve Jobs has won after all! IT’s the END of civilization as we know it! EVERYTHING IS RUN BY ‘PUTERS! EVERYTHING! ”
“You forgot not to say the C-Word, ” whispered Eveline to her, glancing at me; but I wasn’t getting upset. Not me.I was, however, watching the twitch in Caroline’s brow, and noticing how her eyes were getting glassy. Eveline slowly followed my gaze.”Oh,dear,” she whispered to me, “Has she caught it, too?” “She’s just starting to realize how much weight the entire pc and ‘puter- industry has, economically, in the U.S. and around the globe; how many millions of users HATE WINDOWS, HATE MICROSOFT, and how many vital services everywhere are RUN by ‘puters; business, utilities, finance and even food-distribution, ect. ect. —how affected the WEB is, by all this corrupt dysfunction!”
” Even Caroline is indirectly affected by the possible collapse of a global ‘puter system. Back to Books? Paper magazines?? PC MAGAZINE loses it’s audience, in reality? Fox News can’t run it’s immense pretty-women-laden web news? Maybe no more Netflix? (great!!) Hacking becomes obsolete, because the U.S. govt. computing system is already obsolete? —every country already KNOWS every single fact in the Fed. anyway?— the Clintons told them long ago? Hackers in China, Russia, the US start to die of boredom?! –and even get into WATCHING TV???? HOW BAD WILL THIS GET???
Folks in the U.S. will have to do every-day tasks without computers? Even simple MATH? NO MORE ORDERING PIZZA ONLINE? NO MORE buying 20 lbs. of coffee online? No more AMAZON? (hmmm… maybe this ain’t such a bad thing after all!) Sephora croaks online? Youtube blows up? No more online-newspaper subscriptions to the NY Times, and the Wall St. Journal? We go back to caves, raw meat, rags and animal-skins? No more vegetarianism? Men return to Mr. Macho-Cave-Bear, and drag women away on honeymoons?–and women like it? 🙂
CHEESE becomes VERY “natural” again? The countries give up socialism, corporations and globalization? Every body minds their own business, and PRIVACY rears it’s head? The car is replaced by the horse, the giant-kangaroo, and the Great Dane? Guns become LEGAL IN THE U.S.A. AGAIN?? (WOW!) But those former techies can’t remember how to make atom-bombs any more? Pakistan,Russia,Syria, China & Korea forget how, too?—and also get BORED with it,cause they all rather go back to little border-wars, cuz they’re more fun? The UN forgets to meet? Sean Penn forgets about politics, and goes back to booze?–he likes the cave-man idea! With nothing to use, and practice with, everyone forgets how to make & do technology? They go back to stringing telephone lines?( and a tall,good-lookin guy sings about it)?
“Oh no, not Caroline, too!”whined Eveline, as the guys from the ambulance tied an unconscious Caroline down, and hoisted the whole bed into the back of the ambulance.”Is she SO VERY upset?” Eveline asked the ambulance-guy, but he shook his head.”Your friend isn’t unhappy, as it were,” he explained to us.”She’s in a “Happy-Coma”; she is in a complete dream-world, where its 1950, there are no computers,or technology, globalism,cell-phones, ect. ect.WW2 is over, everyone has a good job, in America, ect. ect. ”
“In other words, it’s total unreality,” I said outloud. The attendent nodded; “Yeah, it’s insanity,” he continued, climbing into the back,”but, heck, I’d love to trade places with her!” The ambulance screamed off into the night. “So much for realty,” I said to Eveline as we stood there. “It’s vastly over-rated now. ” Eveline nodded sadly. “Want some more hot chocolate?” “Yeah, about a gallon.”
(Sandraminadotty, forgetting to sing the blues; and not remembering what a “‘puter” was.) :O