(BROCHURE ILLUSTRATION FOR SEX-ADDICTS-ANON.-OF-EUGENE-OREGON-ORGANIZATION-OF-GOVT.-OFFICIALS)
.”Do you have any idea,” I asked Caroline, looking at the newspapers auto accident accounts for the last two weeks in Eugene, and noticing that they kept getting more all the time; “WHY Eugene Oregon has some of the worst drivers in the whole country? WHY they refuse to obey any of the laws, break them all the time, flip everyone off, refuse to give the right-of-way, try to run into pedestrians, and other cars, and are the worst snotty spoiled brats you’ve ever seen on four wheels?” I looked at Caroline, quizzically.
“well,” drawled Carolyn, her attention taken by the luridly illustrated brochure, she was folding back and forth in an agitated manner; “maybe because they are extremely ultraliberal here, they’ve decided that Eugene and Lane County doesn’t NEED any driving or traffic rules,even though they’re constantly foisting extreme “nanny –government” rules on everyone else, but drivers are very PRIVILEGED liberals, so they don’t need to obey the laws.
“You know how it is here; they make laws for everybody else, but they don’t need to obey the laws that are already here, THEMSELVES! you know !” yes, I did know how Eugene was, and how local government was also. Lots and lots of rules and laws to dictate all the behavior of its citizens, but no traffic rules or any enforcement.
“yes,” I said to Carolyn, sourly; “I guess killing somebody with your car IS SUSTAINABLE to the environment, because if you’re in the car, you’re not the one getting killed by it. Really makes sense, at least to Eugene drivers.” “you got that right!” Returned Carolyn; “it’s not like, the government’s going to take away your car, HERE, where they’re so worried about huge monopolies of oil companies, and want to devest all their oil investments. I guess there’ll always be enough left over oil, to keep running their cars, keep running over pedestriansand keep running into other drivers and killing them.” We nodded to each other, totally in agreement.
That was the problem with living in Eugene after a while; you started to think like them, and then you realized that, according to real logic, that thinking was totally schizoid and insane.– – and actually dangerous to your health!
“Say, Caroline,” I began again; “did you know that there is a movement starting, in Oregon, to split Oregon in half? I’m not kidding. Everybody who was NOT ultra – extreme liberal would move out of the Willamette Valley, Lane County, and Eugene, & everybody who WAS LIBERAL, would stay there.”
“Would that include the killer who’s going back to prison,the old freak who–ugh–murdered his wife, and THEN had sex with her—and when he got outta prison, sexually molested those 2 little girls?? Would HE STAY IN EUGENE, when he got out again?” Carolyn looked pale. I nodded. He was a perfect Eugene denizen, he belonged here. “He might be a little old, next time he gets out,” I added. “Pedophiles never get too old, ” she replied. “They just become “pillars of the community” of Lane County.”
Maybe the old creep would run for Mayor, when he got out; “Isn’t he an old friend of Kitty’s ?”I puzzled. “Seems to me, he was on the Eugene Council once.” NO, you’re thinking of the burglar who recently got caught by the pet-surveillance-camera, in Fairmount, HE was a member of the Council. The old Pedophile was a high school principal, a while back.” she replied, pursing her lips.
“OH, yeah, I know who you mean!!” I remembered, slapping myself in the head. “He never got thrown off the Council, until they caught his ass on camera; he’d been making regular burglaries, to steal POT PLANTS!! But the Council hushed it up, till now.” Carolyn nodded; “Kind of hard to keep him on the govt. pay-roll, while he’s in jail. Especially when the photos hit the paper finally; just too embarrassing, even for this city govt.!!” “Yeaaaaah.”
It was so hard to keep track of WHO the pot burglars were, in local govt. positions, and WHO the pedophiles were, in those jobs. “I have a terrible memory for people and felonies, “I mused. “I mean, they get outta prison, become Mayors of Eugene, murder their wives, and work as high-school principals; or they run for office, get elected, and THEN have to go BACKto prison sometimes for selling kids for prostitution. I am just NOT GOOD with names, faces, and criminal cases! Tsk tsk! Some people just have good memories for that kinda thing. Me, I remember Xmas cards.” “Yeah, me too; and parties at Easter for Egg-Hunts! Always remember those.” remembered Caroline.
but back to the matter at hand, which was, WHY was there extreme lawbreaking of traffic rules and driving in Eugene? What was going on? “I DID find out a few things by going on the net, hiring some detectives, those web detectives you have to pay to find out hidden information,” I mumbled to Carolyn, sitting down and having a cup of tea. She sat down and had another cup of whatever she was having. “What did you find out?” She asked.”I got a record of illegal driving, during the last two weeks, that was recorded on secret cameras all over Lane County in Eugene, (don’t ask me who did it for me, because I won’t tell) and beginning to think that it was worth it. WHY this is going on! WHO is doing it!”
Caroline peered over my shoulder, and gasped at the computer– printed information; “oh my God! Is that true?” I replied, “YES, it looks like most of the lawbreakers of current traffic laws, especially the most dangerous drivers, people having the most accidents, and driving 80 or 90 miles an hour, seem to be – – mostly government officials and local political figures, in Lane County and city of Eugene positions. Also, the people who are most likely to smash into you, (and probably have smashed into someone, recently) are high up on the local government infrastructure.OR, they are bigwigs in this town, who have a lot of money.”
“No wonderthey don’t care whether they break all the traffic rules or kill somebody,” replied Caroline, with an angry look on her face. “Those are all the high up officials in the government locally, who could pay off or bribe anyone, and get out of traffic accidents or criminal – driving – cases!” “And where do you think they’re all going in such a hurry? I asked, but I already knew that too.”Does it have anything to do with this lurid, brochure I found on your table?” Asked Caroline, handing it over. It was the brochure for the local”Sex Addicts Anonymous of Eugene Oregon” organization. Of course it was illustrated. why not? Such a sober subject, you had to pretty it up a little.
I looked at the secret camera photo records, of illlegal driving in Eugene for the last two weeks, and compared those records to the “certain secret movements of local government officials”, and how that related to getting to a Sex Addicts Anonymous Meeting, here,in Eugene and in Lane County, and their schedule of meetings recently. I didn’t really need a supercomputer to compare them, and figure it out. I suppose I thought I was pretty super myself. Maybe. At least I didn’t need one of those meetings, ha ha ha. Leave that to Al Gore.
“SO,” mused Caroline, “that means all those big high up officials and local government of the County and the city, are all breaking the traffic rules to get to their meetings on time, of SEX ADDICTS ANONYMOUS of OREGON ! Locally. especially – “here Kitty Kitty! Meow meow!” But they were still telling us, we couldn’t use plastic bags for our groceries. Amazing! Or, that “Brokeback Mountain” was actually a Disney film! And didn’t need an R rating.
“what are we going to do with our information?” Asked Caroline happily. “Can we blackmail all of them, into letting us use plastic bags for our groceries again? Like a normal community?” “Unhappily,” I replied, “I don’t think so. That organization, is pretty much legal. Breaking all the traffic rules isn’t, but then, all of Eugene ISN’T LEGAL EXACTLY, anyhow. MOST of it.”
I shook my head. “There isn’t anything we can do. HOW would we enforce it?Call in the National Guard? All of them are over in Iraq! And as for trying to nab the mayor, for cutting all those trees down, and stealing all the EMX bus line money, we can’t get the federal government to come in and investigate. They’re having enough trouble with the IRS and Obama! They have their hands full! Full of shit! they’re not going to bother with the SHIT we have here!”
Caroline looked grim, and mumbled “I know some guys in Vegas, and some guys in New York, and some guys in Chicago; guys with very large fiddle cases! guys who know how to play them!” it was a dream devoutly to be wished; to sleep, to dream, to try and exist in Eugene! Where there were no traffic laws, no pedophiles (wink wink!) And no illlegal goings-on in local government (double – wink wink!) and anything goes, unless you want to take your freedom, and use plastic bags for your groceries.
AWWW, SHIT! split Oregon in half, and you goonie, gangster, ultra – liberals can HAVE “Allergic Valley” and “Hayfever– POT – city”; you can HAVE the University of Organic! and you can HAVE the “Mighty Donald Fucks” and DAFFY GOOSE , too! it would be worth it, just to get rid of this bloody “Insane County” and the Shitty of BadDreams! Not “Eugene”, just “Ory-Gun No. 2 !! “
(Sandraminadotty, in April wet Eugene where weather records report a WORSE DROUGHT THIS YEAR, with at least only HALF the normal amt. of water, NO SNOW-PAK in the mountains for farmers’ crops’ water; and Oregon has turned into DEATH VALLEY. Nice to know that at Easter & Passover, God hasn’t forgotten the “Goddammit Valley” and is turning his biblical wrath on us, maybe for being lying Democrats. Or, just cause He is a son-of-a-bitch, and will never change. Gung Hay Fat Choy! 🙂 .. ) ….