(CHEAP ARTIST OF OREGON SOLD ME PICTURE)
There’s one way you can tell there’s a 65-yr.-old woman on the phone,from a traditional family of the U.S.A.,who had a traditional, dominating, narcicistic, angry, “wait-on-me-hand-and-foot”-dad. Who wanted her to have kids, (even if she didn’t get married,) and give him grand-kids.
And if she takes out time for herself, or spends money on herself, she feels guilty about it.
let me put it this way; it took me years and years of therapy to even cut out a little of that guilt, from myself. However, my sister took a partner, who was so much like our dad, that she never really got over it. To this day, although her partner has very very bad kidney dialysis, COPD with an oxygen tank, and is in a wheelchair, and never goes out of the house, my sister is still feeling guilty for spending any money on herself. Or, she feels guilty if she takes any time out for herself.
Now you women reading this, who are much younger,know why we women in the 60’s became feminists. That is the reason. So we didn’t have to feel guilty for doing anything for ourselves, instead of our mates,OR our kids. My sister and I, do not have any children nor did we get married. (My sister is not in a typical “union”. They have been together for more than 30 years but they’re not married.)
but since my sister picked somebody whose personality was exactly like our dad’s, (the partner is even very large, and tall like our dad) she still feels all the female guilt that she tried to avoid by not getting legally married. She still waits on the partner, does anything for the partner, takes care of the partner, who is very disabled now (see above medical condition) and feels guilty if she spends any money on herself.she doesn’t hire anybody, ever, to come into the house, and take care of the partner so she can get out for a whole day or half of a day.for one thing, anybody costs $50 an hour, and she can’t find anybody else she trusts, who cost any less. (After all this is Northern California, which is the Beverly Hills of this part of the state.)
The only time she gets out of the house, is when they go driving, or when my sister goes to her club, which is way off in San Francisco.thank God she has a club and has friends in that club, so she has some kind of social life separate from her partner and the 24-hour a day schedule of caretaking that the partner needs.
I’m not sure if I could ever dare say this to my sister’s face. I think I tried it once; “don’t you realize, Susie, that you got a partner who is exactly the same personality as our dad?” Silence. “No, what are you talking about? They’re not like that at all!” And of course denial is not a river in Egypt; we American women have sailed on it for many many years, and were not going to get on dry land anytime soon.
The 60s may have raised feminists, of which I was one and still am one, but the huge backlash destroyed any remnants of it. Younger women don’t like to admit they are feminists, they think it is a bad name. They think it is a bad idea!younger women in their 40s, I have learned,to very devotedly get married, and raise kids, and spend themselves mostly on that. If they work, many of them, it’s because they need the money for their kids, and their family(.Career-women may be different, but they still reject the “feminist” title.)
how unselfish of them! How wonderful and devoted of them!
I wish I could send this to my sister, and I am sending her a little sign, to put up on her wall that says “I DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!” That’s the least I can do. I’ve asked her before, why doesn’t she go to a therapist? When she got very very depressed, years ago she had to go to one, but all they did was try different antidepressants on her. They didn’t work. (That’s okay, they worked on me all right. They had to, I had PTSD so badly, from our family and my lifetime, if they didn’t work, I’d be dead by now. So when anybody ever says nasty evil stuff about antidepressants, you may quote me.)
I have to admit that I am not the only one in the universe or even the USA, who got very mentally ill, and had their life fucked up by it. I do feel sorry for those people who avoided thinking about the whole thing, never questioned WHY they’re miserably unhappy, and their life was a waste, but I’m not going to waste my time on them. They’re gonna have to figure it out for themselves. Because I sure had to.I had the therapist bills to prove it.
but to get back to my sister, there is absolutely no way to tell somebody, who doesn’t want to hear it, that they married somebody exactly like their dad. Especially when their dad was a big ass hole. Excuse me, a big narcissistic ass hole. They don’t want to hear it, so their ears are not going to function.
It’s like trying to tell all those people who voted for Obama, and I’m including Democrats and liberals especially,that he’s only a black thug from Chicago. And that’s all he ever was. And that’s why there wasn’t any real “hope and change”.that’s why China and the rest of the countries are all laughing at us now. I remember talking to somebody online, from another country, and they were laughing at me, and saying, “you guys put a black guy in the White House! Ha ha ha ha ha!”
And a liberal-shit also.But A BLACK THUG, JERK FROM CHICAGO?!!? A black MALE gangster, from Chicago? Because the other Democrat candidate was FEMALE? How FUCKED is that? Ask me why I’m not a Democrat.Ask me why I hate both parties.Because they’re both run by ONLY MEN.
And since I was the sister who did NOT live with a narcisistic partner, like my sister did,or marry one, a selfish, domineering, fat, lazy, jerk, just like our dad, I am not ever going to say,”hey, it’s wrong to be a feminist! It’s too extreme!! It is selfish!! It ruins the American family and it ruins our kids! It’s too hard on men’s careers and egoes!!”- .
I wish there had been real feminism and some choices other than getting married to a dominant, big, narcisistic ,selfish jerk, and having kids, for MY MOM.I have the notion she didn’t want to get married either,and did not like being married, but that was what women did during the 40’s and 50’s. The women only worked during WW2, and when the guys came home, they had to resume their REAL JOBS-.UGH. Not much choice then.
With all the lack of choices we all have; no choice about who, when,where,how,what we’re born into, cause the “so-called God” does not leave us ANY CHOICES about our own lives! The jerk DECIDES everything, and then throws us in it, with no “how-to” manual, or anything except”survive any way you can,” (and no choices about how unethically you might have to do it,)
— when you finally get the chance to stop making the same, un-choice-mistake your mom made, you shut your eyes, stop thinking, and make the SAME DUMB MISTAKE she made, cause she wasn’t able to stop herself–you decide to do the exact same thing!! (without the license, & without the kids) and you never go to a shrink, and examine your behavior! Probably because you’re afraid to!–an you never wake up, and leave that partner, either.–
DOES it make any sense, to skip one of the few choices you have, as a woman in the USA? You “marry” the exact same partner your MOM did? Even though you hate the guy she married? It makes we woman in the US,seem as backward as a Muslim woman in Arabia, wearing a huge,covering scarf, or a “burka”, and only leaving the house to travel outside in groups because assault against lone women is too common in Middle Eastern countries.
(How safe is it,for a woman to walk alone, in Eugene Oregon, at night, without carrying a gun? Men and criminals are the same everywhere. Except, here in Eugene, OR, you can still get a carry-license, if you’re female, and that makes the difference. A LOT of difference.!! ALL the difference.) I know women who used to live in the Middle East, and they could never go anywhere alone, too unsafe.
(I also have it on expert authority, that male homo-sexuality in Arabic countries is very high.That also makes sense; men who debase women, rule them with fear & stiff laws, abuse them, and never see them or treat them as equals are not likely to relate to them as sexual partners very well either,)
But back to my subject at hand; my otherwise, fairly liberated in behavior,. sister, who still has the selfish lazy, fat partner,and now waits on them hand and foot 24 hrs. a day, cause they’re “disabled.” Her partner is lucky they’re not in a rest home instead, getting treated like shit, like all the other sick dialysis patients, who take their chances on that unkind care.
This person is so lucky they have my sister, cause lots of other partners would dump them, tell them to get their fat asses out once in a while, do their doctor-ordered-exercises, eat the food they don;t like, and do the stuff they have to do, to get stronger and become more independent to take more care of themselves.Cause even copd, dialysis patients have to force themselves to eat, to get strong, do their excercises, and start taking more care of themselves.
The rest of us who have rotten ruined feet,arthritic, hammer-toed feet,. still do the dishes, take care of their cat, go out and do (some things) get depressed,.and have to call up a friend,or help, and get themselves out of it.
And determindedly TRY NOT TO FEEL SO SORRY- FUCKING- FOR OURSELVES. Those Jews in Israel are getting bombed,and their teen-agers murdered by Muslim terrorists.OK? And many people in Oregon are homeless, live under bridges,and under bushes,and cannot come in, in bad freezing weather. My best friend in Michigan is disabled,and she does the dishes, cooks dinner cleans the house, does the bills, helps her husband,and has to go to doctors my sister’s partner never heard of. SHE never tried to smoke ciggerettes all her life,and she has COPD ANYHOW!! So it’s not even her fault!!
LOTS OF PEOPLE IN THE WORLD are much worse off, than even copd, dialysis patients in the US. ;EVERYWHERE. WE ARE LUCKY. WE HAD MORE CHOICES. Yes, we did. Even we feminists. We did not have to weigh 500 or 400 lbs. most of our lives! nope.we did not have to smoke all our lives!! I am lucky, even with my bad rotten feet!!.. …..
….So that’s my message for today; if you are a selfish, lazy, self-infatuated, narcissistic,. and totally uncaring person, about the rest of the world, I do not feel sorry for you, if you get sick. get COPD cause you smoked, and get dialysis, cause you kept smoking even after you had cancer(yeah, talk about being lucky!! the partner got over the cancer!!)–and then stuck it all on my unselfish, loving,and totally nice sister, who feels guilty about careing for herself. —while she takes care of that self-infatuated partner, 24 hrs. a day—go jump in the lake..
BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE, AMERICANS!! WE HAVE ONE OF THE BEST COUNTRIES ON EARTH! And if we let the fed. govt. and both political parties,and wall st. and the banks, screw it all up–it’s on our heads.
You have a choice about your life; and your health. And you have a choice about getting off your lazy jerk butts,and keeping this country for your fellow Americans. You, in Eugene, don;’t have to let Mayor Kitty and the commissioners,and the fucking local govts. and Lane county leaders, fuck you around. THIS IS YOUR TOWN!! THIS IS YOUR COUNTY!!
AND if you married the wrong person,and you have a rotten marriage, guess what?This is not the middle east,this is a country where you can wake up, dump the kids,and leave the jerk. YOU can make the choices.
YOU can do something about Eugene and Lane county govts.!! DO NOT TELL ME, “you can’t beat City Hall”!! This is the country that was made famous for beating our govt. with a very big stick!! Take it from an old lady,since my sister refuses to listen to any advice, YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE. YOU can dump Mayor Piercy!! You’re not married-at-the-hip to her!!YOU can dump- our local Eugene and Lane county govt.!! YOU can stop developers from killing Oregon and killing all the trees!!
If I am still alive,and bitching, after my rotten, dangerous,and diseased life, the rest of you still have plenty of choices.And not just about your spouse, either; the city, the county, and your god damned state. If there’s still hope for me,and my sister,and her selfish partner, there’s still hope for Oregon,& the real Oregonians here.
(Sandramindadotty, in Eugene, Oregon, looking for her cat, and now that it’s dawn, going to bed,and telling the rest of Oregon to wake up too!! It’s not too late!! If it’s not too late for me, watch what you ALL CAN still do here!!) 🙂 😦 )