“NOBODY REALLY CARES!”–IN Eugene, Oregon (Where We OK ALL CONSPIRACIES As Probably True)




Carolyn and I were walking along in Valley River Center mall, having some undiluted, recycled, sublimated frozen yogurt, with some weird flavors that Harry Potter hadn’t thought of, like bluebird– blueberry, and chocolate–Berry– Halle –Berry,(the last of which was rather on the light side for being chocolate,) when we saw this guy walk by with the weirdest T-shirt on.

.”look at that T-shirt,” said Carolyn, slurping down her lime green tutti-frutti rough and Rudy, sherbet, and staring at his retreating back..”can you see all the writing on the back? What the heck does that say?” “Probably just the usual advertisements for Amazon.com or the gap,” I said calmly slurping down the “not– Halle– Berry–cranberry,Foozle – berry,dark chocolate ice cream”and deciding it tasted better with walnuts. – That version. Anyhow, we were over– Ice–creaming our diets to death, which included her new Weight Watchers, and my old Weight Watchers, and in general overloading our calories to the busting point. (See above picture art: BUST)

.”it really seems to be the weirdest T-shirt I’ve ever seen,” continued Carolyn, frowning. “Look, on the back the top letters really big in gold foil; “all conspiracies are true!” How can all conspiracies be true?” “I think we should catch up with him that might not be a legal T-shirt.” I said worriedly. “What you mean, a legal T-shirt? There is no such thing as an ill legal T-shirt?” ” Well, since all illegal aliens are legal here, in Eugene, I think you’re correct but that particular T-shirt is probably ILL legal. It just doesn’t seem like it belongs here in Eugene.”

We decided to creep up on the guy, and we sneaked past the little shop of WHORES, (THE LOCAL companions network, their little shop, on the mall) and we got a closer and closer because he wasn’t walking very fast. Sure enough, he was wearing the weirdest T-shirt and it looked like on the back and on the front, there was the strange lettering.some of the stuff on the back said “yes, China owns the United States of America!” And then down at the bottom it said, “YES! Obama is taking bribes from medical insurance companies!” They didn’t have anything to do with each other, maybe, but they were terribly intriguing. What the heck did they mean anyway?

We got up a lot closer somehow, trying to avoid tripping over the tiny miniature poodles, the little robots, hobbling out of the “COPY YOUR PET IN METAL!”store, –  because some people in the shop, had been overdoing it and were copying their tiny poodle like crazy; and the extra poodles were leaking out the front door. Sure, they were cute but who needs extra tiny little poodles?it’s not like they can serve you breakfast in bed or clean up the house!

The next-door over, which the T-shirt guy had passed, was also very distracting, as it was a new pop-up shop for “all comedy – 1450AM, KVSL, Eugene Oregon – all comedy all the time, every single day every single night, until it drives you nuts! HA HA HAW HA!” And the guys inside were laughing their heads off, drinking flavored vodka, and slurping down very fattening exotic Chatopetcas, which they were supporting in their bakery.Chatopetcas were universally known to contain massive amounts of marijuana. And once in a while, a little rancid coke. Besides that they tasted good. But back to that guy with the weirdo weird anti-Eugene T-shirt!

We balked at passing the upcoming ” international -super -cookies– of – the – WORLD” (all manufactured in China, even the baking) store, and Carolyn looked at me strangely; “do you think they’re better than Mrs. Robinson’s? I mean, you know those cookies?” “I don’t know but they’re probably cheaper they’re all made in red China in slave factories. Watch out for the Chinese almond cookies though – they probably have subversive paper fortunes baked inside!” We decided to pass up the cookies. Why not try to be patriotic for once?

Besides, when all the Mainland rich Chinese new-land-owners put their roots down securely,in all the different USA states, and it sneaked into the alternative media that they had, it would be way past ok to eat NOTHING BUT Chinese-made cookies cause the bakerys would be HERE.Cause all the Chinese would be HERE. “You’re so silly, “Carolyn had said to me;”NOBODY CARES about that!!NOBODY CARES that our leaders and officials in the fed. govt. sold us all out to China, and that this American fed. govt. is a “puppet”!  Everybody knows it already!   they yak about it everywhere, it’s no big secret.CRAP,NOBODY CARES!!  “

“SO  the fed. govt. sold us all out?”had said Carolyn,”won’t  be the first time a govt. sold it’s people out–won’t be the last time!   You think  THIS COUNTRY is any different?Bullshit!!  We had too many resources and too much wealth, so our govt. leaders got hungry, and sold it out!! ” “You think Rome did the same thing?”  “I have it on personal witness that they did—sold cheap for bread & circuses. /instead of I-pads and cell-phones.Why are you worrying?No, yer  NOT moving to Sooth America,  forget it!  Go read Tolstoy.”  “Probably best thing to do.”   “Just accept it!!  You think you can screw with fate?”  “Little me against millions of troops?nope.”   “Go eat chocolate!!”  “Good idea, never know when ya can’t buy it anymore.”

–I remembered Carolyn’s last words as we  kept trotting down thru the Mall, even past the Jeremia’s Lousiana Rice Mixes–company, and I considered whether or not Louisiana existed, still, or if THAT was also a conspiracy–and that state had really blown into the ocean, during Katrina, and that included New Orleans, too–and  the govt. federal had faked  all the photos, the dead bodies, et al and the hurricaine was never a no. 5–

–because the hurricaine had been a great excuse to get rid of all the excess poor black people and excess criminals in New Orleans, and had deported thousands of them as far as Texas, just to permanently dump them out of the city, and make room and real estate for wealthier people to  live.

So did the STATE REALLY EXIST?  OR  was it now a gigantic southern complex of new condos, stuffed with ritzy- bitches??Like we had  decided, NOBODY CARES!!Nobody except the people who got thrown out. And what could powerless-people do?Besides claim they were dumped out, becuz they  were GAY?

That was everyone’s excuse now, that and claiming discrimination cuz they’re (1.) black  (2.) gay  (3.) lesbian (4.) female,white (5.) male, white (6.)autistic (7.) old and worn out (8.) a drug addict or/and/ alcoholic (9.) the mayor of Portland, Oregon (10.) thee governor of Oregon (11.) the mayor of Eugene, OR  (12.) choose from yer own discriminated-against-list.).

When we had almost lost sight of the weirdo in the strange t-shirt, Carolyn saw the guys in black suits who were following US!!”WHY  are those black suits behind us” I looked around; about 5 ft. behind us, there were two equally strange up-tight  guys on OUR trail. “AAGH!” I yelled, as they  caught up, and were about to grab us–

–and went thundering by,knocking Caroline and me over, as they too,  sped after the guy in the t-shirt; descended  on him, picked him off his feet, and disappeared with his struggling body, down a distant side-corridor–vanishing. Wee both got up,dusted ourselves off, and looked at each other; the ice cream remains were all over us and the floor.

“WHAT THE HELL?!” I exclaimed, mouth open and gasping.”What just happened? Was that the Mall cops!?” “No way, “said Caroline, still staring off in the direction of the disappearing three-some;”Those weren’t uniforms.But how many people can just appear, grab someone, and make off with them?”  “I saw non-uniformed cops do it, on Mission st., in San Francisco, pull up in a car, grab this guy standing there, handcuff him, and stuff him in a car,and speed off, right in front of me, one time;  they ACTED like cops, & they didn’t care who saw them.”said I.  “You didn’t see any badges flash?”  “Not a one. No Miranda recited, but they looked like they did it all the time.”

 We kept staring ahead, as if we expected them to re-appear; they didn’t. Caroline finally said;”Let’s go get some ice cream, to make up for this fiasco.”  “Yeah,” I replied, looking at the smears on my shoes.”Who should we bill our screwed-up stains to? The non-uniformed Mall cops? Why do ya think they got him?”  “Why were we chasing him?” replied Caroline, checking her purse.”The weird t-shirt?  Are you kidding? More likely shop-lifting,,” I protested, trying to remember which direction the ice cream & yogurt shop was.

“Yeah, the really outrageous t-shirt, with anti-govt. slogans.With anti-Obama slogans. ”  But,” I protested again,”Subversive t-shirts are still free speech, aren’t they?!!  You can’t get arrested for stupid t-shirt slogans, that nobody takes seriously.WHY would any govt. agency even feel threatened by looney out-pourings?” “I don’t know, ” said Caroline, as we headed back hence we had come.”Every single group, food-net-work, political bunch, or ANY PC -irked person now, can’t handle ANY jokes, wise-cracks, or rejections any more. They”re ALL up-in-arms the moment they hear any comments they don’t like.  Even the most powerful posts in the land, act like they’re being attacked!”

“Yeah, everyone is ready to clobber you, if you sneeze wrong at them now.Very threatened.” I continued, as we walked back slowly.”All the different ethnic groups get riled, just anyone.You name em!But–”  I continued, “WHO do you think THOSE GUYS were?”  “He also had anti-mayor Kitty lettering around the neck-line, ” said Caroline, “And you know how SHE IS!! Madame Rattle-snake!  It could be LOCAL–. Don’t put it past our loca-whore! All that regional food-fighting!” and chuckled. “Every conspiracy theory is true, at least until it’s proved UN-true. Who really asassinated Lincoln? Just an actor?”

“I read, his secretary of state, Steward? was part of it? Who bought Alaska?  Maybe his SON? It was really an organized group; I don’t remember…?..if they got everyone? Maybe only Booth?” I recollected.”OK, who really shot JFK? The CIA? ”  “NO,”replied Caroline,”the Mafia was miffed at Kennedy because he and Bobby tried to take them down. They were the ones!  I read some author who got the evidence.”

 “I guess all those conspiracy theories can’t be  dismissed, ” I sighed.”All those back-rooms, with all that hidden stuff.  I hope Marilyn wasn’t really murdered.”  “(What do ya want, any chocolate yogurt?)”asked Caroline.”You can’t really say, “there are NO HIDDEN AGENDAS cause most of the real reasons in life, ARE HIDDEN. Society lies all the time,for it’s own benefit.” returned she.

“I know, I juat don’t like it,” I growled. “Everyone and every group lies ,to succeed?”  “If they told you the  truth, you’d wanta hang em, not elect em, or try to throw em outta town.Chocolate or not?”  “Rum-raisin-fudge,” I replied, “But then WHO  tells the truth?Ever?”  “Babies, that’s who; they haven’t learned yet; the truth is over-rated.”  “It is true, ” I mumbled, taking out my money,” so we live happy lies–if the future is really bad,I don’t wanta  know. 

“I REALLY, really don’t.  Please just DON’T tell me, Don’t even hint! Screw the weird t-shirts of the world; they don’t change a thing.”  😦   🙂   

(Sandraminadotty, in sweet-land, putting my brain on hold, and not to worry.  It don’t do any good no-how!   🙂         )


About WhatToDoWhileThePlanetDies

Eugene,Oregon,home of the U. of Oregon,is a dissolute,gay,hippie,broke, jobless, crime and drug-ridden courupt little no-account town, bulging with fleeing Californicators, who have pushed the natives out,done to Oregon what they did to cali; trashed it. the horrible grid-lock traffic, smog,bad freeways full of accidents have turned it into decayed Detroit.Everyone is broke, there are no jobs,it's left-wing extreme-fanatic crazy, and there are constant political conflicts.Oppression and stifiling city hall crooks fleece the citizens of taxes, it;s the Macon Georgia of the pacific northwest.Anyone who can, leaves.Landowners can't sell, they're stuck.Even the Nazi party would call it Hell.Willamette Valley has the worst pollen,smog,allergies, in the world.Nature and Man are out to get you here, welcome to Oregon!The trash-heap of the United States!

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