“FROZEN PIPES,FROZEN THROAT!!IN FROZEN EUGENE,OR!!”(the “mild weather”state”,but not anymore!)



(artwork bought from Oregon artists)

it was frozen at 6°F, at 2 AM in the morning, Sunday, my throat was raw, and I didn’t even have any water to thaw it out or wash it out. All my pipes in my house were FROZEN stiff, and I had no water except for a gallon of purified water luckily left over.

there was nobody to talk to. At 66 years old, in bad health I was stuck by myself in Eugene Oregon with frozen pipes, frozen throat, and a stupid fucking frozen town.

no longer could I take the excuse that everyone in town had, “Eugene Oregon has mild weather now it no longer freezes here!” Bull shit to hell. If I had left my water dribbling, my pipes wouldn’t all be frozen out now, and be left with no water at all. And it probably would be days before I could get a plumber.(I wondered how many hundreds of dollars it would cost me, and how many pipes would be broken by the time he got here?)

This was disgusting; I wondered how all the idiots who laughingly said Eugene Oregon had such mild weather, were handling it now. This was just like the old days, when we had blackFrost,everything in town froze, including the roads, the water, the electricity, and you were lucky if you stayed alive.

 BUT, we Natives kept on going. Not like now.

“Happy days are here again!” Ha ha ha ha ha! How do you like it, Californians? Feel like going back to Los Angeles or San Mateo? Or even Northern California? cause if you stay here you’re gonna freeze your ass off. It’s only going to get worse. world climate change has spoken, and Alaska and the Antarctica are probably going to hang around.

(Continued later on, when the author can actually open their throat, gotta go gargle with leftover tea)


   Caroline, of course, got me a camping-water-cooler of 5 gal, of water. She also got me some food, extra gallons of water, and that new bronchial steamer. I was too sick to go out..”Everyone I know is sick, and my kid, I’m afraid Ii’ll get it!”said Caroline.

Thru the grapevine, I even heard that all Meals-on-Wheels stopped, all schools stopped (the teachers and administration refused to go) every county and city office and dept. even very necessary ones, FOLDED and CLOSED. Nothing was going to get our civil service workers to step on a single snow-flake.  They  were too important for that.

But every working person still worked, people did their jobs cuz they needed the MONEY,doctors and clinics were STUFFED and you couldn’t get in, cuz health care workers, doctors, were expected to BE THERE; or people DIED.  The Govts. decided their workers did not have to do anything; they went on vacation.  They were in control of everything,  so screw us tax payers.

One thing Caroline and I found WAS WORKING was Radio Station All-Comedy 1450AM ,Eugene, -Springfield-comedy all hours. They broke down once or twice, and got it fixed, came on again,soon. At least one of the owner-comics was from WA state, where snow doesn’t turn them all into whining little babies; all their school buses have tire-chains, so no “Snow Days”.

George  Carlin was on All-Comedy,1450 AM, making a lot of sense;”When I was in school, if  a  gun man shot a few kids in class, no one closed the school;  we kept going to class(“Lets see, two dead kids from  35-= makes 33 school-mates left.”) The way these kids are raised like little wienies, the 80 yr olds will have to take over the country, and run all the Govt., AND CHANGE THEIR DIAPERS, TOO!–when the kids are ADULTS!” HA HA HA!!  Unfortunately, he was right.  But the adults locally were already like that!

“He’s right,I said, washing my dishes by boiling water in the kettle, and sterilizing them with scalding water;

( the garbage co. said, over the phone,”Sani-Pac is not doing residential routes,” they said haughtily,whereupon I answered,”then resident is not paying bill” i left the message; and San-Pac was going to have pick up lots of loose garbage, all up and  down the road, cuz it was NOT STAYING in my cans while I was paying the fucking bill!)

 What, was this NYC already? just about.

“I’ve solved my no-toilet-working – problem”,I continued to Caroline, putting my clean dishes away;”I just use the old “out-house” my family had, see that old shed way in back? It never got filled in,it still works! Yes, according to Foxworthy, we were red-necks, and so was (and is) this whole neighborhood! I swear, people here had wells, and out houses, and grew chickens, turkeys, or rabbits in their back-yards!”

“What did you do with the rabbits?”asked Caroline, after she found out we had had them.  (We also always had  a wood stove, too, that kept the whole house warm.) I now used natural gas; chopping with my bad back? and bad feet? ok, it still wasn”t worse than yoga I used to do.) “My dad killed the rabbits, and we ate them.”  “Yuk!! Farmers!!” said Caroline, making a face.

“What if you run out of dish-washing water?” she asked..I  pointed out the kitchen-door window;”See all that SNOW? You put it in a dish-pan, let it melt, soak yer dishes in the sink with it.”  “Were you born in Alaska?” chuckled Caroline.”No, I’m a NATIVE; when we get bad weather, we use it.”I replied “We used the out-house in the back, and the well was hooked up to our house water-pipes, too. ”

 “OK. I’ll say it; you must be  a red-neck!” she laughed. “You bet !!  Who cares?”I snickered. “My problem is, I was gone working in CA too long, making a living; I’ve gotten SOFT. ”  “Well, take it easy, yer still sick.” she said. “AAAW, I’m such a hypocondriac; I just drink tea, sleep, and take tons of medication.”  smiling, “don’t worry.”

“What we’re going to do with all the CALI-DANDYS, who freak at the sight of an icicle, I don’t know,” said, sipping strong tea. “Tell em that Washington state is due to get real hot,dry,mild, and sprout banana-trees and coconuts”said Caroline, “So they have someplace to flee to, again; they’re good at that.”  “Want me to make  you hot chocolate?”  “Yer an OLD PERSON, you’re  supposed to be helpless and fragile!!   You can’t be so resourceful!!” giggled  Caroline.

“Don’t you dare accuse me of being the mayor!!”I chuckled;”I’m  not the one who goes to WA DC all the time, begging for handouts, for Lane County!!”  “HAW HAW!!”


“Wonderful, HOT WATER BATHES!” The rain on thursday melted the ice,snow,and my pipes. I called Caroline, to thank her for all the help; I even felt better.”Groan!!” Wheezed Caroline, on the phone,”OK, I got it too. My son’s taking care of me. Glad you’re better”.

I got some fruit juice ,aspirin, and decided she should borrow the bronchial-steamer now that I was better. –and got ready to visit poor Caroline; “You gotta rest, now, miss Speedy;”I   said, sitting on the side of her bed, getting her hot tea;”Yo always take care of everyone else. ”  Caroline smiled pain-fully; “You natives,” she mumbled, sipping slowly. “Do you guys always have the last word?”  “Only if we out-live everyone else, ” I grinned. “But that’s not necessarily ME.”  

But that is necessarily Eugene, Oregon, once a churchy-town, now a Yuppie- town; and full of people NOW, scared of a little powdered ice so bad, they run screaming, falling, and sliding thru the frozen streets.

I unfortunately  found out later,, that  in  South Dakota, they were calling us  Eugene residents “a bunch of commie pinko little girls in screaming fits, when they see an ICE CUBE!”  OUCH, does that hurt! –worse than  the frost–bite! –what hurts even worse, what if it’s true?   SHIT.

However, late at night, if you stick your nose out the door, you can smell the  scent of wood-stoves all thru neighborhood air, while other Oregonians crank up their heat; so there must be some natives left, practicing the old ways. They must not ALL be gone.   🙂



(Sandraminadotty, still nice and warm knitting that scarf and hat, but too late for THIS season.Aw, well!!  🙂

 MUCHO THANKS to to Radio Station All-Comedy,1450 AM,Eugene-Springfield, soon to go NATIONAL!  –And to another out-post in San Francisco, CA, (which  of course is not in the United States, la la) –Go Go Go, 145OH!!  And thanks for playing Saint to the  needy in Lane County, too!!  😀   And to all the wonderful volunteers in Lane County!



About WhatToDoWhileThePlanetDies

Eugene,Oregon,home of the U. of Oregon,is a dissolute,gay,hippie,broke, jobless, crime and drug-ridden courupt little no-account town, bulging with fleeing Californicators, who have pushed the natives out,done to Oregon what they did to cali; trashed it. the horrible grid-lock traffic, smog,bad freeways full of accidents have turned it into decayed Detroit.Everyone is broke, there are no jobs,it's left-wing extreme-fanatic crazy, and there are constant political conflicts.Oppression and stifiling city hall crooks fleece the citizens of taxes, it;s the Macon Georgia of the pacific northwest.Anyone who can, leaves.Landowners can't sell, they're stuck.Even the Nazi party would call it Hell.Willamette Valley has the worst pollen,smog,allergies, in the world.Nature and Man are out to get you here, welcome to Oregon!The trash-heap of the United States!

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