“LANE COU. HAS WORST CHILD ABUSE IN OREGON!”–PLUS, We Review KLZS ALL-COMEDY RADIO, 1450 AM. EUGENE, OR, and on the Web!”

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Caroline came over, right after Thanksgiving, and saw me reading the workbook “how to fix your PTSD”, with the sideboard having the extra book “if you were born and grew up in Lane County, Oregon: a handbook for abused children”.

“I wish you wouldn’t keep reading that book”, she said, taking off her coat. And grabbing a beer out of the refrigerator.” It just makes you more depressed remembering about the past.”

“It’s not like I could forget it, anyway”, I replied closing the book, and folding the page.” “you know my sister’s partners’ brothers’ wife? She was a child in foster care here, in this County, and she’s scared to death of ever having her kids fall into welfare and the foster child system; because she got continually raped by her foster parent when she was a kid.”. “but that’s only one case,” returned Caroline, trying to ease me out of it.

“Yeah,” I replied, ” but look at all our friends who grew up as kids in Eugene Oregon; my sister and her partner stayed about 300 or 400 pounds all their lives, had really self-destructive bad habits, my sister wound up an alcoholic and had to quit at AA.her partner smoked herself to death, has COPD on oxygen tanks, and renal failure.I could name all the others who had the same things happen to them, who were born here in this county.”

“About the alcoholism ;so did I.” I continued. “You know, lots of people drink or drug to FORGET, and to handle bad stuff from their childhood.and this County according to statistics and research, has the highest child abuse and child sexual abuse in all of Oregon.” I paused. “I think that’s because my family lived here, as for the percentages of the County! We could’ve put it in that percentage all by ourselves!”

“why do you think I go to this place?” I said, picking up the purple and white business card, that said “SASS: sexual assault and incest survivors Association” (or something like that, but I know the “SASS” is correct, and I know their phone number by heart – “541 – 343-7277 – or is it “7177?” Anyhow, I can dial it blindfolded.)

“Yes,” admitted Caroline, “I know that you’re crazy – I mean, you’re fucked up.but so am I.” I had to chuckle; “Caroline, you have all the signs of being a Lane County Oregonian, born here and bred here.” we both started laughing not humorously.

“but,” she replied, all of the rest of my family is in California.” “Well, my family lived in Sacramento for nine years, when I was a kid and in high school,” I said. “My dad worked for the missile industry in Sacramento, as an engineer,during the 60s, and he had this weird friend who worked in the same place, and he had a secret “sex club” on his property, that they shoved me into. And I was only about 15 or 16.

“Don’t tell me California and Oregon don’t have anything in common;” I continued, in an angry manner. “You could call them Sodom and Gomorrah;the Twin Cities of perversion.Sacramento, and Lane County.

“But you would never know it to look at them from the outside.” I kept talking; “Sacramento in California has all those aerospace engineers with excellent reputations; and in this County, Lane, in Oregon, we have all these dozens of churches and religious organizations!”I paused. “But my parents did go to church once in a while, and my dad was an engineer. So those wonderful harbingers of good reputation, don’t mean a damn thing in hell!”

Caroline looked at that paperback book, in my bookcase, called “Sybil” about the woman with the multi-personalities. “What was her problem?” She asked, pointing. “Well, there was extreme perverse sexual stuff that went on with her parents, and also her mother had schizophrenia,” I replied, “and was cruel and crazy, and her dad didn’t give a shit even though he knew.her parents had excellent reputation as pillars of the community! So you can see what people hide behind.”

“but nobody ever punishes,” I continued, going for a Coca-Cola in the refrigerator;”the people who do all that stuff to you, ruin your life! You know, the people who really get away with everything? ADULTS who have kids! They can do anything they want to, to kids and claim that it’s in their family, it’s private. Kids don’t have any rights at all.”

I pointed to my medicine bag, with all my pills and bottles and it; “You can’t get away with all that trauma early, and not get your brain warped into silly putty. It explains all the neurological medicine I have to take, that I couldn’t function without.on my birthday, I send my neurologist a happy Mother’s Day card.”

“I know about the recent murder of that girl, by her mother, who starved her to death,” said Caroline, sipping her beer. “And there’s other cases like that all the time in this County. I just don’t understand WHY it’s that way here.”

“for one thing,” I replied, “the 60s were a very LIBERAL period of time, when everybody thought they could get away with anything no matter what it was. And they did. And Take Lane County and Eugene; it has always been very very LIBERAL. Politically and morally and ethically.

“They all make the excuse here, that ANYTHING GOES, and it’s only gotten MORE extreme here, we have oodles and oodles of drugs, of the worst kind, we have theft and burglary and violence, shootings and murders every single day. Meth heads who freak out downtown in broad daylight. And everybody hides behind pretending to be EXTREMELY RIGHTEOUS, one way or the other and denies they’re doing anything evil, to anybody. That was how my dad was; he was a religious leader’s son, raised in a strict religion, and yet he thought he could do anything he wanted. SPOILED rotten.”

I paused. “So you don’t have to come from a bad family or low-quality low down family, to be extremely perverse and evil.all you have to do is RATIONALIZE everything you do to your kids; just to be in TOTAL DENIAL, and refuse to see them as people in their own right.”

“I guess it’s easier, to be that way”, said Caroline feelingly, “if you list yourself as extremely HIP, liberal and, all that bull shit. I know people down in California still, one woman is letting her 16-year-old daughter have sex with her own 42-year-old boyfriend. And she refuses to stop letting it happen.

“You know my relatives, found out about that, and they went to the police and social services in California? And you know what they said? Oh no, it’s fine, they have the mother’s permission, so you can’t go against the mother’s desires, even if the 16-year-old girl gets sucked in.at 16, in California then, a girl is perfectly in her rights to live with and have sex with a 40-year-old guy, and it’s considered fine and okay.apparently California has no laws against it anymore!” Caroline sounded angry herself.”legally, it was always supposed to be a type of illlegal rape, to do that to a minor. I don’t know what happened to the laws!”

“I know,” I said, continuing; “in my day and age, when I was 15 or 16, it was considered illegal. Even in California! So I guess since Obama has taken over, and some of those other wonderful liberal presidents and governors, we don’t have those laws anymore.I guess any 12-year-old girls can go around having sex, and probably nobody does anything about it.maybe there isn’t anything called “rape” especially of a minor, anymore!”

We both looked at each other; this was an extremely depressing subject, but we had to face it, because so many of our female friends had had sexual assault or incest happen to them, when they were kids or teens, especially by a family member, it was kind of an epidemic.

(do YOU have an uncle, or brother or sister or father in law or stepfather, you’d like to talk about in the comments? No, don’t leave your name, just tell us, if those percentages are correct, and this is so widespread.)

” I know it not only happens among women,” I continued talking to Caroline, ” it happens to BOYS also, just not as often.I happened to know a couple of guys, really young guys, one was gay, and one was an alcoholic and a drug addict, and their mothers were both that way.”

(happily continued later, after I’ve eaten dinner, or thrown up a while, or gotten rid of a migraine, and take in plenty of brain medication.)

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“EWEB RAISES   ELECTRIC  COSTS 8 BUCKS A MONTH–AT LEAST!!”

“NEW KLZS  BRICK WALL  ALL-COMEDY 1450 RADIO STATION TAKES OVER EUGENE & SPRINGFIELD OREGON!!

ALL COMEDY SHOW TALK SHOW-CALL-IN ,DAILY, AND COMEDY 24 HRS A DAY!!”

—goes the headline topic at the Brick Wall Comedy Wall,1450 AM . ALL-COMEDY RADIO STATION   (yes, a comedy radio station in Eugene!  How did this schmucky town of Eugene deserve a funny radio station?  A hippie, PC-organic, liberal mess like Eugene?)

We just got lucky, but as soon the comedians get tired of the high prices, and the oligarchy-govt. finds out the radio station is not liberal democrat-conformist, the All-Comedy station will move to Springfield; like so many of residents of Eugene have.

Springfield Oregon is getting very crowded, while in Eugene, you can’t give away your house much less sell it. Hey, if all the cost-of-living in Eugene and Lane county is so high, Springfield is getting all its business.

Guess lotsa people just want their plastic bags.

But I had to comment to Caroline, “That Brick Wall All-Comedy 1450 radio station is fun!”  “We could use a sense of humour in Eugene, its not exactly a ho-ho town,” returned Caroline, as we sat around in my kitchen,at the table, not avoiding calories as we should.

“Want some more chocolate milk?”I asked her.  “MMMM,,,,are you sure that apple-cake is low fat?”  “I made it myself ,its mostly applesauce and little bit canola oil making the fat quotant; and not much real white sugar;Splenda is cutting the sugar to half.”

“Yeah, I’m surprised about low-fat cake, its great, not phony tasting at all.” she replied, looking for another piece. “Yummy.”

“You know what the radio statistics reported for the sign-up for Obamacare “Cover Oregon” website? They actually had a little over 200 people total–and it cost millions of tax dollars for those failing websites..” I said, thru chocolate milk;

“How can they copy all the Obama websites, and make websites so BAD , even college kids could do them more functional sites. ”  “They shoulda hired the nerds from “social Network””, mumbled Caroline.

We made our pleasant way, leisurely, thru apple-cake, listening to the funny KLZS 1450 am afternoon comedy and talk show on my radio on the  kitchen table. 

“And guess what, Senator Krause of Roseburg, his newsletter said about Obamacare?” I continued, going on with more news. “What?” said, Caroline, curiouser & curiouser.

“He said in his newsletter, everyone in the Oregon govt. KNEW that getting “Cover Oregon” and other Obamacare” would result in everyone getting their insurance plans  cancelled.  They KNEW all that would happen!!  And they did it anyway!!” I continued, sighing heavily. “AUGGH!  What the Hell!?? Are you kidding ?”

“No, and this Sen.Krause was right on,”I said;”I never read a politician’s newsletter, who tells where he gets his income, and about his family business , and is “–what’s the term?–“translucent” as far as all his activities.”

“What does he do, besides  being a senator?”He runs a family farm, & bakes tons of PIES; he works like hell!”  I paused for effect;”He’s a republican,”  “Oh,ok, I understand.”  We looked at each other;”What does DeFazio do?”She asked. “Pumps up Nancy Pelosi, I guess ,”I replied. “Yeah, it figures, why even ask?. bah!!”looking cross.

After the first part of this “episode,” the afternoon talk-comedy show was so much more blue-collar comedy down to earth, and the guys were FUNNY. They even had a caller from as far as Kentucky,cuz their radio station ‘s website connects to the web, and they get all around the country. 

It’s was so relaxing, after the stressful Eugene culture-politics-war, to zonk down, eat apple-cake and chocolate milk, relax with a good friend , & listen  to KLZS All-Comedy Eugene Radio high-jinks; along with mucho jokes, and weird news,  plus lotsa commercials.

“They got so many ads, cuz they’re getting so popular, ” said Caroline.  “That website must attract other states, too. They’ve been in Eugene a whole year already”  “I just got tired of classical one day, and discovered them.”

“So you can also connect to them on the web, thru their website? stream it?”  “Yeah, who is that guy’s tape?? From the tv show about the alcoholic fireman in NYC? They got all kinds of recordings of popular comics, even heard Seinfeld and Johnathon Winters. Dangerfield too.”

“They do repeat the same recordings a lot, you think?”  “I know, must be a limited amt. But they go thru so many; guys and girls I never heard of, too, must be Oregon comics too. HA HA–“i’D RATHER DRIVE WITH A DEATH ROW INMATE IN THE CAR, THAN DRIVE WITH MY MOM!!  HA HA!!”

 “The radio interviews with popular comics is nice, they talk about what its like to tour as a comedian, nice. Those hosts of the show got some sense of humour!”

 “And I like how they talk about how funny Obamacare is, satirize it, make fun of the fed. govt. spending yer money, sarcasm.  I like it.”  “Great irony, I miss that in Eugene, everyones’ so “You WILL BE LIBERAL!–OR SHUT UP!”-Eugene culture. About time someone laughed at it.”

“You forgot–they even give away free comedy club tickets!!on their facebook page. Man!Since when does the internet have freebies??”  “I know, we should try one of the local comedy clubs they mention, that would be fun.”

  “That would get me thru these miserable cold holidays.”   “Isn’t  it wierd the Pacific Northwest has all this comedy talent, and clubs here now?”

 “Face it, we NEED THE LAUGHS!!   This state is BEYOND DEPRESSION, its into zero-existance. Laughing is medically good for you.  Plus, who else would honestly poke fun at Portland, Eugene, and hippies?   No one here in media has the guts to bounce against our “Peoples’ republic of Eugene”?  Muslims and terrorism?  Satirize everybody and everything?”

 “They do get kinda raunchy, and jokes about bodily functions. I turn them off, when that one idiot jokes about shaving a heart into his pubic-hair!  TOO MANY DUMB PENIS JOKES!!.I never did like gross sex humour, or toilet jokes, CRAP!  Keep the crap in the Eugene City Mayor’s office where it belongs!”

 “I wonder why so many young comics resort to penis, sex, and gross-humour?I don’t think it is funny anyway.  What happened to the intellectual comics?  The real joke-makers?  I miss  that.””would you say Milton Berle was high art?”  “Not in an evening gown he wasn’t!!”  “Well, at least they censor cussing, thank you,  FCC.”  “YES, FUCK IT.”  (this blog is not censored.)

 ” But  too many comics rely on penis, sex,toilets, and nipples and gross-iosities.”  “Just MAKE FUN OF, AND SATIRIZE EVERYTHING!!  GIVE OBAMA THE  RAZZ, AND THE TAXING IRS!!   KILL EM WITH JOKES!!”  “iS the FBI funny?”  “It’s rediculous; hysterical!!  They don’t know where their under-pants are, let alone bombers!! After  Boston marathon, I stay out of big crowds!”   “They should razz the irony out of J.Edger’s ghost haunting WA DC IN A DRESS!  A SLIP-DRESS!”   “He had absolutely NO figure at all, tsk tsk.”

“But I think over-all, KLZS AM ALL COMEDY RADIO 1450 is varied and funny. I would cut the penis,toilet,gross-body-jokes. Or not so many.” “I like their official news reports—very good. “”How else could you find out Amazon.com is starting to use DRONES to deliver packages?”   “What happened to Fed. Express?Sheesh!” “It still might be safer than the postal service,”  “THAT is true.”

“Did anyone   tell these radio show guys the “Eugene joke”?  “They must know it.”  “Why did all the hippies go to live in Eugene ?–They heard there are no jobs there.”  “How about the other one?” “What other one? ” ” “How can you tell you’ve moved to the USA?—Even the trip itself  is so taxing.”—–“AAAH!   Not funny!”  “—but true.”

 “What is Pres. Obama’s secret craft hobby?”–He practices taxodermy. ” “(Spelling!!”)— but he uses us instead of water fowl!!”   ‘(“GROAN!!” )”I like the pun-jokes a LOT.I love puns!!” “Do you know who wrote–long ago–“What would happen if you painted all the cars in the US, pink?”–A pink car nation.”  –My dad wrote it, it went viral, before the web, so far, it got right back to us eventually, all over Sacramento, CA!!”  🙂

(Sandraminadottty, in Eugene, OR, where the laughs keep on keeping on!!  🙂   

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