“I was in a trance….or I was asleep. I was asleep and dreaming, having a vision of the future of the Willamette Valley…. It was so clear, I could see all the details, every single green blade of allergies; it was the future it was Utopia..but why was everything so real, if it was just a vision? Where was I? Was I asleep?Que es el sueno? El sueno es…/Y todo ia vida es sueno, y los suenos, suenos son.”.
(my Spanish teacher was going to kill me, if she found out I couldn’t remember the whole thing– much less understand it all.)
But what were all those tents? Where was I again? Oh yes downtown. again in Eugene, County of Lane, on the gray, moldering concrete sidewalk; it was it’s usual overcast,, smoggy, damp atmosphere….and there were other people all ASLEEP on the sidewalks next to my shoe.the shoe with all the dog- shit on it
also, somehow there was a tent city up here.I looked around; activists were activating, the homeless were hibernating, , and their dogs were masturbating. Somehow the scent of no bathrooms reeked in the air. Were they occupying? Of course! This was the way of the future!…..
and no, it wasn’t the Chinese that were buying up all the land in the United States; it was the HOMELESS who were occupying all the land in the United States, and especially this Valley. On concrete, and next to people’s homes in tents, very intense.
there was the mayor, (oh my God, Mayor Kitty was still MAYOR of Eugene? That woman just could not be gotten rid of! She wouldn’t even die off by herself!) distributing flowers and bran– muffins and toilet paper, to all the grateful homeless , who had nowhere to go except next to stores, concrete sidewalks, in downtown Eugene.
YES, all the homeless were now occupying downtown Eugene, County & Lane, Oregon; we were the central homeless CAMP of the entire United States now!
what a future.what a vision!
From everywhere, they came,by train,, hiding under trucks, riding the rails, hiding in cargo holds of airplanes, and hitchhiking on the backs of camels. (!??!) they camped here, and most of all, they looked for bathrooms here.
unfortunately, recently someone had taken a dump on the sacred statue of Wayne Morse, in the beautiful plaza, where they also had people shopping, and the regular produce market.(can you say PEW?)in vain, they were dumped off Civic land. They were Super-Glued.
our extremely liberal, ultraliberal, super liberal, Democrats were voters,so they were still coming, by train, bus,underneath trucks; they were being ENCOURAGED to come and SQUAT.
I looked around, there was one of my friends,who had a store down town, waving a white flag, and screaming out loud “I surrender, I surrender, you can come into my shop and use the bathroom! Just don’t crap on the sidewalks anymore! The tourists are getting it on their shoes too much!”he paused for breath –” slipping on the sidewalk and suing us!”
(WHAT tourists? They had gotten the hint long ago, and here in our future vision of the Valley, there were no more tourists to be had; they had already been HAD..)
my friend came up to me , “hi, did you know ,in Portland, Pearl street, they have tons of tent cities, next to expensive houses and apartments? Why don’t they just give them the keys to the city while they’re at it?” I replied, “I think they already did that; that’s why the burglary is going on without anybody breaking in they already have all the keys.”
we talked about it,; “why don’t they send all the homeless to the island of Haiti, or to areas of Africa that are getting all the CHARITY?” said my friend; ” All the rich social elite are doing charity work there, if we sent our homeless there, they’d finally get good, monied HELP!rich New Yorkers don’t even know that Oregon EXISTS; they think the only poor people are in Africa!”
“what are you going to do?” I replied, trying not to step on a very underfed, over drugged yellow dog. (Was there a rehab for DOGS?) “They are Americans!”
” so are we,” said my friend, exasperated;” what are we supposed to do, care for all homeless in the USA ? We can’t even take care of the homeless in Oregon!”he paused; “you realize, I don’t have any business downtown anymore? I have to either go out-of – business, move out of the state or move to a big mall!”
(Suddenly,a very drunk homeless person, not to infer that all homeless are drunks, looked at my friend, and threw up on his shoes. . Maybe he just had an upset stomach. it does wash off.come on, the guy is a human being! I mean, the shopkeeper! How many pairs of shoes does he have to buy,to keep up?)
” This very liberal Eugene, is willing to trash its city, and county to take care of every single homeless person they can get their lily white hands on.” I said in their defense.my friends spat on the sidewalk, just missing the yellow dog
“I and the other store-owners have STOPPED PAYING OUR TAXES!”My friend said.”THAT’S our reply to this “govt.”!And you know also, about the “impure”farmers, and what the LAWS decided??”
“You mean the farmers growing”modified-DNA-crops & wheat here?”I answered. “It’s ILLEGAL to grow any but ORGANICALLY PURE CROPS IN THE WILLAMETTE VALLEY NOW!
” The Law was made, NO DNA-MODIFIED SEED can be grown in the WHOLE VALLEY! ONLY PURE ORGANIC FARMS HERE!” Even Nature was dictated to, here, and told what it could, and could not, grow.
Our PURE,ORGANIC, CLEAN reputation was at stake!!-(if you ignored the SMOG,auto-fumes, and multiple-L.A.-style-free-way systems).People even raised CHICKENS downtown,back-yards,to prove how “green” they were here.
But how did you let the wind and Nature know, you wouldn’t put up w/any nasty cross-pollinating?was that a little egotistical?
My friend and I regarded each other;”Too much BULL-SHIT in this dumb town, “…he mumbled.”Even more than the FED.GOVT!!” “HEY, MAN, that’s saying a lot” I replied.”You’re RIGHT. I can see a monster-corupt-megalith-size govt. full of CRAP; but a dumb, lil ONE-HORSE BURG like EUGENE?! What MOXIE!!”
We both mumbled assent; expensive University of Oregon sports, gold-gilded ducks, drunken-rich, tail-gate fan-parties, how much MERDE could a no-account little hick-town take? Before it turned into San Mateo or San Francisco?
Would they ARREST all the DNA-Modified seeds and crops, burn them along with copies of science-books, in huge bon-fires, and banish those farmers to the Okeefennokee Swamps? Along with Nature, and THE WIND, captured in a wind-sock?
If anyone could do it, it’d be EUGENE OREGON! ” GO DUCKS! GO-GEESE! AND GO- CHICKENS! GO-GO-GO-S— YERSELF!! “
…..”I was caught in a huge monster tail-wind, that was illegally pollinating whole-wheat, Man-Modified-DNA-ALL OVER THE ENTIRE WILLAMETTE VALLEY PURE, ORGANIC- FARM -FIELDS!! The GREEN-POLICE-WITCHES were flying after me, on “organically-made” broom-sticks, and furious righteous anger turned them all GHASTLY GREEN!! Oh No! They would bury me whole under a pile of RADIOACTIVE-ISOTOPES, AT OREGON STATE UNIVERSITY!!
“BEAVERS WOULD GNAW MY TOES!! HELP, EINSTEIN, CRAP!!”
*************************************************************Suddenly, I was home, on my own over-stuffed, shabby-chic sofa, awake, and screaming; Carolyn was throwing ice water on me, to wake me out of my nightmare.There was Lisa, and Debby, and the Bug-Guy who did my exterminating,the post-man, the Computer-repair-guy, the plumber, and the UPS man, all standing around me, concerned.Everyone I knew.
“What hoppened?”I gasped, drenched, and freezing;”Where are the GREEN ORGANIC-WITCHES on “naturally-grown” broomsticks??! Trying to send me to a radio-active grave??”I looked around.
“You had a horrible-sinus headache, and fever,” said Carolyn, trying to wipe up the water.”There no witches just a bad dream.”
“OH GREAT, “I said, completely relieved; “all those horrible things were just bad dreams; the swelling huge crowds of homeless camps downtown; the piles of smelly POOP! Those terrible TAIL- GATE PARTIES! the glass buildings on the University campus!”
I sighed heavily. “And that ridiculous law about banning all farms that tried to grow DNA modified crops in the Valley! That was all just a nightmare!”my friends looked uneasily at each other.
“Well,” said Carolyn carefully, handing me a paper towel.”not exactly ALL. There is some, news in the wind, about trying to ban all DNA modified crops from this Valley, and even the rest of Oregon.” But she smiled; “you’re not a farmer you don’t have to worry about it!”.
“but that was just a nightmare, about all the tent citys downtown of all the homeless?and all the lack of latrines? And the starving dogs wandering around all over? And the starving people wandering around all over?and the misbegotten goo on the statue of Wayne Morse? that WAS just a bad dream wasn’t it?” I asked hopefully.
all my friends and fellow mail carriers, all looked at each other and at me hesitantly.(what happened to the Federal Express delivery guy? Why wasn’t he here?)”we are in a very bad RECESSION,” said the UPS guy gently.
“I know that,” I said, getting excited; “but what about all that other crap? I can’t believe that it’s a nightmare, it can’t be – it is not a true vision of the future of Eugene!”
I looked around at the pale faces. “That’s not really true? How the hell are you going to stop the wind from cross pollinating crops? Even God can’t do that! So you think organic liberals are going to be able to? Although I wouldn’t put it past them to try.
“Where’s mother nature when you need her, to distribute lots of fatal auto accidents?!.” somebody else in the room murmured, “especially with the horrible driving in this town,it’s a rare day, when there’s not crack up on the belt line.”
everybody else murmured agreement. There was too much murmuring and too much mumbling, and I couldn’t believe my NIGHTMARE was REAL!
“don’t worry honey, I’ve got some hot milk with cocoa in it for you, and your Kitty is here she’s worried about you.” Said Carolyn kindly.( Meow meow meow!) “, honey it doesn’t do any good to worry about what’s going on in this Valley, or downtown, or in Oregon. There’s just no way to beat City Hall.”
The others all agreed; “ain’t no way, to go and cross the Mayor;” said the mailman tersely.” That woman will never get out of office, no matter who votes WHO in. You just can’t get rid of her!”.– “short of shooting her in the head some dark night,yuck yuck yuck!” Chuckled the bug guy.
“now, dear,” said Carolyn, tucking me in with a nice warm quilt, “it’s all not as bad as you think. Forcing organic crop growing on people, and our farmers ain’t really so bad.after all, it’s good for them!” She continued.” And all those thousands of homeless, they have to have some place to go don’t they? Even if it’s downtown Eugene..”
“but can’t you guys see,” I tried to tell them, anxiously, “everybody has the right to grow the type of crops they want, despite the fact that the wind doesn’t give a shit who and what it cross- pollinates, on anybody or anything; and there’s no way to remain AGRICULTURALLY PURE no matter what you do! and as for welcoming the entire population of homeless, to go camp downtown in Portlands expensive neighborhood, well that’s just STUPID!”
Everybody else laughed and chuckled,because they already knew; STUPID was Oregon’s middle name! How could I go against that? 🙂
(sincerely, waking up to the nightmare in Eugene, Oregon,Sandraminadotty, a relative of Sicilian natives and old Venetian family, casting my fate to the wind!” OOOH-HA–GO-DUCKS–SUCK!!” “BEAVERS BE DAMNED!” ) 🙂
(SPECIAL THANKS TO: NEWEGG COMPUTER, ERNIE AT “smileydesign.net”(emoticons) and Deviantart.com (emotes) and Craig’s List and Sauvey Duck Computer Repair, (Savuey ?Savey Duck?) and yes, Version 11 Dragon Naturally Speaking Home Version, and Bamboo Pen-Tablet Sets,Wacom, to artists who’s work i bought, and Dr. Robert Yeh, my internst at Peace Health Barger, WHICH HAVE ENABLED ME TOO WRITE THIS BLOG, WITHOUT WHICH I COULD NOT HAVE DONE IT OR SURVIVED!
AND TO MARY, AT “San Francisco Gem and Mineral Society”, beading teacher, and knitting teacher!! and her partner Sandi!!WHO ALL HAVE GIVEN ME NECESSARY SUPPORT! AND MY CAT, BELLA! SWEETIE! 🙂 WHO IS MY WONDERFUL KITTY!! (i FORGOT TO MENTION, CHABAD.COM ONLINE AND “GOD” )