“HORRIBLE EUGENE OREGON WEATHER!!” in Eugene,Oregon

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yes that’s what we said;”horrible Eugene Oregon weather” and we’re not talking about storms ice and snow. we’re talking about the Williamette Valley, and the ragweed, pollen, and grass seed burning every summer that ruins your sinus, makes your nose run bloody, and your eyes  a wretched redness. (while Bella the Burmese’s pretty blue eyes get reddish pink;”oh,no! Where is the Purina Red-Eye  Kitty  Drops?they are supposed to have liquid tuna-oil in them!”) Despite the fact that this is no longer just a little town with a lot of professional grass seed burning farmers, they keep on doing it, and everybody in town and all the University of Oregon, everywhere in this County, gets horrible side effects from all the grass seed burning. But they won’t stop it or use any other method; this one works the best, so screw everybody in town and the County, and let them get sinus infections, eye infections, and in other words be miserable so that they have to leave town and go to stay on the coast. (No, Bella, you can’t go swim in the ocean, you’re shark-bait!)

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If you’re stuck in town and you can’t afford to go stay on the coast all summer, you are truly screwed. Go talk to the grass seed farmers, and get them to pay for your sinus and ear nose and throat doctor! Go ahead and sue them for it, it won’t do you any good, the grass seed farmers pay off the legislators in Oregon government, the state, to let them keep torturing I think making us miserable and sick. Oh, and of course nobody is going to change their techniques for getting rid of the remnants of the grass seed, burning is the only way.

(“NO, kitty. you can’t go running in the grass-seed fields, looking for snakes! they are all burnt to a crisp! Don’t   play in  the ashes!”)  Ken Kesey even wrote about it.he described sleeping in the mountains, so he could see the entire Valley, and when he woke up next morning, he could see a huge veil of thick smoke wandering across the valley, all over it, and completely covering the entire expanse of every living soul. And it stank; you bet it stank. It not only stank, it was diseased and filthy, full of chemicals, besides the grass seed remnants. It literally made him sick, and he knew that was the fate of the Williamette Valley, forever to be a stinking allergic hive of smoke driving everyone out of the valley every summer and spring, and making us allergic and sick in our own homes. maybe that’s when it got a reputation for being called “death Valley”, or “the valley of the dead”. It’s one that really stuck.although, I’ve heard some people call it “El Stinko”.

(“Bella, no, I don’t want  you fooling around with that dead body in the ashes!  I’ll just call childrens’ protective services!They like ashes!”

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as for me, I awoke, ready to go see my nearby your nose and throat doctor, because I had been getting not only sinus infections but double ear infections. The ear nose and throat doctors here do a huge thriving business, they’re usually stuffed with patients and you can’t even get in to see them. I was lucky, for some reason this really good and older ear nose and throat Doc got me in fairly soon. he advised me, that I might want to go through ann allergist start getting SHOTS every year for my allergies. I thought about it, anything to get away from endless sinus infections, red eyes that hurt, and a bleeding nose. I took antibiotics so much, I had destroyed all the yeast in my body, and I had to take tons of probiotics, and Brewers yeast tablets to make up for it.

(“Quick, Kitty, get over here!Get away from the Meth addict with the gun!”

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“No, they’re not the police, it’s the mayor’s Caboose-mental-health-emergency  wagon, for picking up freaked-out anorexics who get trapped in super-markets!  That’s Mayor Kitty’s “pet” project, she funds it out of the police budget! “No, Bella, that”s for “instead of police” cause police are deemed “too threatening” in the city,so we have  circus-clowns, in the nude, on bicycles, on loan from Portland, who  calm down the mental patient.

(“Kitty, don’t look at me that way; its not MY IDEA!Eugene hates police and loves nude clowns on bikes,and on the Caboose-wagon to intercept  out-of-control mental patients, instead!  Don’t  ask me, why, Bella!Maybe its the “Progressive Way”, more Organic, Sustainable, non-carbon-based—  don’t keep asking questions, kitty!  Ask the Mayor why she hates police; maybe she has a RECORD!”)

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Naturally, I got a yeast infection anyway.but I noticed, from taking all the probiotics and Brewers yeast, it was a lot less virulent than it used to be.doctors don’t usually tell you about this, you have to go to “alternative medicine”, and years ago I had hung out with “food hippies”, in the 70s and community food stores, and found out everything that doctors never tell you. So I told the nice your nose and throat doctor, yes, I’ll go to an allergist and even take shots year-round, just to keep from getting this shit up my sinus every year.having to take tons of antibiotics, screwing up my system, and boy, if you don’t think those sinus infections hurt, they hurt like the devil.

(“Doc, my eyes are polluted from the  smog-and-grass-seed-smoke (with the burnt-up insects and mouse turds) can you get them to stop burning, so we don’t all get Gloucoma?'”)

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Congratulations, Lane County and Williamette Valley; even the natives can’t stand you anymore. All over the United States, during the summer and spring this is the most poisonous place in the whole US. Yep, we’re probably in the book of Guinness records, as “nastiest, most allergic, sinus destroying, polluted also, with lots of smog, mixed in with very diseased grass seed clouds, environment.”. I guess we were in there with the running with Los Angeles. the ear nose and throat doctor himself, told me he bought a little bottle of anti-eye irritant, that cost $150 apiece.of course my insurance would not pay for that. He was a doctor, he could afford it! But it actually kept his eyes from getting irritated during the summer and spring. “But,” he said”July 4 they should stop the grass seed burning, and it’ll calm down a lot.”

(“I only have a doctor’s practice in this lousy, trash valley cause they dumped me out of molecular=medicine-research at MIT; you think i’m in this HOLE by choice?!! HAH!””

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Great! It’s way into July, and I can finally go out of the house, without a space suit, with helmet and oxygen, or some kind of gas mask, that covers all my face, and let me breathe actual air. That would cheer me up a lot, except that I’ve already spent all spring and summer being sick. Hack hack hack. so how do all of us handle this who have to live here? If you have enough money and a car, you go to the coast that you stay away from the valley all summer. And you don’t come back until fall. But if you have to stay here and work or you can’t get out of here, and go to the coast, you stay in your house all the time. And even then, it’s bad, but it’s far worse if you go out without a gas mask and oxygen, or that cute little spacesuit with a helmet. that probably makes this one of the few places on earth where everybody waits with bated breath, for fall and winter to come, so they can actually go out of the house and breathe, and be safe from pollution (not from the smog, but otherwise, nature dies fortunately.)

if you are a tourist, or want to move here, that is going to be your fate; either go to the coast all summer and stay there, or stay in your house all the time with the AC on, or go out in the wonderful natural environment of grass seed burning and smog with the United States official astronauts spacesuit, helmet and oxygen. and wait with bated breath to breathe, finally in the fall.any amount of rain you get then, you will probably welcome with open arms. Unfortunately, we have a lot less rain, there’s not even enough for farmers anymore, and this is our 10th year of a drought.

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(“KITTY, are you playing with my oxygon mask again?!  Mommy needs that to go out side the house: other wise the smog kicks up my asthma from all the gasoline trapped in the valley,and the chemically-enhanced grass-seed-and-pollen clouds give me another sinus-infection!  And they’re running out of antibiotics to use on me !” )

So if you really want to breathe very well, I suggest going to Alaska.Oregon is over with. Except when you go to the coast. I know that my huge trees, every tree on my place will start dying eventually, or I’ll have to get the hoses out, and water them all summer long. There isn’t enough rain here anymore, to do the trick for me. Or, I’ll have to hire somebody to go around and water everything just to keep the few huge trees I have left, from curling up and dying.

(“Bella, thank God everyone who lives in Eugene is so pro-ecology, organic-eating, GREEN-minded, sustainable, organic-gardening, and composting-happy because then they won’t mind so much dying from emphesema and lung-cancer, from our valley air; at least they’ll be HEALTHY when they die!”

Thank you so much, world climate change, for turning Oregon into  Southern California! I always wanted to visit there, and now that I have, it stinks. It really does.we even have all their freeways now, and every single car on their roads. oh, for the rains of yesteryear, pouring down in buckets all winter and fall, turning the valley into mud, and making this area GREEN instead of the BROWN it’s turning into!

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Oh, for the gardens, and the orchards, that we used to grow here, instead of endless blackberry bushes, weeds,massively huge banana slugs, dried up Earth,cold and moldy Julys that kill your squash, and unpredictable weather torturing all the fruit trees blossoms, and killing off your kitchen garden!

  (“I stopped gardening here years ago, kitty, cause i could not handle snow and hail in May; rain,over-cast, more cold rain, no sun, and huge slugs in June; and then 90 and 100 degrees ,BOING!-in July 1, intercepted by horrendous heat-waves for 2 weeks,–and then surprise-flaah-storms half way thru July.  I could not figure out what PLANTS liked that weather! Maybe Chia-Pets?  Why the screech, kitty?} ” 

when I got home, from the ear nose and throat doctor, I noticed my cat, Bella, was lying on the cold concrete floor, panting,eyes in little red slits of irritation,and the sweat pouring off her nose. I picked her up, and took her into the room with the AC, and stuck her right in front of the air conditioning unit, in the hopes that she would grow icicles. Either that, or I would have to take more severe measures, and shave all her fur off for the summer.

But I don’t think Bella would like an Army crew cut; they don’t look good on Burmese.and I’ve seen those cats who have no fur, they don’t look exactly happy either.

“poor Bella! Isn’t it cold in here enough for you yet? Let me go get you some ice, and dump it all over your little feet, and your nose.(do you want to take your daily Xrtec antihistamine, yet?) “at least all the fur on your tail hasn’t fallen out!” (The Book said that Burmese did that, if they got too hot.)

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sticking her in front of the AC, finally did it; she never developed icicles, but she fell asleep, looking a lot cooler, and not like a live mink coat. I noticed her little whiskers were wilting, and some of them were shriveled up.”poor kitty! Kitty Kitty Kitty! Mommies poor kitty, was mommies poor Kitty too hot? Oh your poor little whiskers all swiveled up!AHHHH!” I was sorry now, I had not stopped off on the way home, and gotten some “Purina Kitty FROZEN YOGURT with CREAM”, at the grocer, on the dog and cat products aisle.maybe I could just freeze some cream, put it in the fruit processor, and make her some myself.maybe some pureed mousie flavoring instead of vanilla?

 “OH, MY GOSH, MY KITTY  IS MELTING!”  It’s true, Bella, my lovely Burmese kitty is so hot, in the suddenly hot weather, that popped out of the rain and overcast skies, that she is melting right over the chair  she is sitting on! Her chocolate points are oozing into Hersey’s kisses, and her caramel  colored body looks like that honey-based candy bar that   used to exist. Her pretty blue eyes have become pastel-blue cream-drops”; and her whiskers are long thin black licorice! Her soft fat paws are candy pralines; her wonderful long dark tail is a candy whip (think; sour candy ,yumm!)) and her name is now Dandy Candy! It is my favorite candy!It is my fault, i  turned off the AC to use the popcorn-popper!

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 “Oh, no, Kitty, oh, poor  baby, you’re taffy! So much for the Willamette Valley, with it’s Smog-Pollen-Airmonia atmosphere; my poor little world climate changed, human-ruined  and “gentri-fried” culture. The folks who are Green and ORGANIC  in the valley they destroyed themselves with polution from smog, cars, freeways, and hallucinatory-liberal poitics, dumping business, industry and jobs along with clean  air.

Letting outside tree-cutters gut all our lumber, and shipping the logs cheaply to china without any lumber-industries here to give US any jobs anymore.

(“If we could sell this, Kitty, we could go to Seattle, or just Washington state, where our mom’s relatives live near the Sound; the Sound is beautiful, the air is cleaner!But the Sound is EXPENSIVE, and the cost-worth here in Oregon, Lane county, kitty, real estate is almost worthless; no one can sell their real estate here!we can’t move, we can  not sell the place! ” Ahh, c’mon, here, Bella, let me comb the damn ashes out of yer fur!”)morekillitwithfirediablo23.gifhystericalkao

(Sandraminadotty, roasting away, in Eugene Oregon) 

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