I was sitting around with my next-door neighbor, one morning at breakfast, while she was nursing her wounds from a couple days ago. I had tried to be a good hostess, and make Apple oatmeal muffins, but of course nothing can make you feel better when you’ve been heartily mugged. http://http://
“look here,” I said, reading the morning newspaper, (which I stole from my other neighbor on the other side, well, not really stealing; she throws it away after she reads the funny papers, and then I pick it up off the top of her outside garbage can.) No way I’m going to pay a dollar for it! – – “It says that Eugene is going to get a new skateboard park for all the kiddies, to-do skateboarding. That will keep your kid busy, won’t it?”http://
“He’s already pretty busy, what with that huge load of homework in classes that he has,” she said, with a icepack on the eye that was still bad.”besides, how the hell can this stupid city and town afford a new skate Park? They can’t even keep the schools open! I found out, they’re going to cut all the hours of the schools, because the budget is going into the toilet, and all the kids will be left out at all hours, chasing down all the homeless, and throwing rocks at them again. http://
“Not that I mind,” she ended, nastily.there was a great suspicion that the guys who had mugged her, stolen her purse, and forced her to get into her ATM machine, and take all the money out of her checking account, were running around pretending to be homeless, and living somewhere underneath a freeway overhang, or else were part of the left over OCCUPY pageantry. The ones that refused to leave. http:// http://
Heaven knows, we have enough thieves, burglars, muggers, and out right violent criminals here, we don’t need a skateboard park, with all those dangerous in-line skates going up somebody’s ass by mistake. I still didn’t trust those in line skates; I had been raised on regular rollerskates, and those in-line skates looked a lot too much like ice skates. Ice skates on land?On cement??
“it says here, on the front page, that the new skateboard park is going to be underneath a freeway overpass, and will cost $2 million and most of that the city is paying for. It’s been on the planning board for a long time”. http://http://
“Why the hell hasn’t there been a JAIL on the planning boards?!” She replied, angrily. “We don’t even have a stupid damn ass hole JAIL, they let all the guys out for rapists and criminals, and thieves and murderers! You’d think this was Chicago for God’s sake!” http:// http://
“yeah, I know it’s gotten almost that bad, and the funny thing is, my friend in Michigan, knows Chicago so well, and she says it’s one of the worst most violent, dangerous places in the United States. And guess what? It’s got tons and tons of gun control laws. Doesn’t that just take the cake?” http://http://
“then who the hell, has the GUNS anyhow? If it has all those gun control laws, some of the highest amount in the country?! What are all those gun control laws doing there? are they just ignoring them?” http:// http://
“I don’t know, I know as much as you do”, I sighed, picking up my cuppa coffee; “I also don’t understand this article, in the Eugene newspaper, that says, all the states that have the most gun-control, have the least amount of violence! Yeah, my friend said Chicago and all around the area there, are overwhelmingly violent and dangerous! I don’t get it at all!”.http:// http://
“well, if you’re reading it in the register guard newspaper, of Eugene,” said my friend, dryly, “they’re probably just doing their usual reporting; LYING, that is. You know how they are; it’s some kind of fable or lie, if it proves their point, they stick it in. That’s what our news is around here. I wish I could get a hold of the Oregonian once in a while. Not that it’s much better but it’s better than the RG.” http:// http://
She paused,”it says on the same cover, “a new skateboard park that cost 2 million bucks, and yet they’re cutting all the schools hours because they don’t have enough money!? And they still don’t have any jail, they’d rather build a skateboard park?http://
“I don’t understand this stupid ass hole town at all! Just what the hell do they think they’re doing? I ought to sue them, for letting the bugger out of jail so he could clobber me, that’s probably what happened!him and his little friend!”
“It’s true, Eugene has really weird priorities. Besides the skateboard park, and closing a lot of the schools, and cutting their hours, I guess they value putting up more high-rise low income, homeless- housing, instead of keeping a jail open. I stopped trying to understand Eugene a long time ago.” http://
“Any town, that values its hippies, and extreme liberal HIP – agenda, and being ORGANIC and GREEN, while they still have muggers and criminals running around attacking you, well, I guess we got most of the insane asylums from California who moved here a long time ago. http://
“You know, California has closed a lot of its mental hospitals, permanently, because there broke also.I know that we inherited all their unwanted DOGS, and they all came up here.that’s why I never got a dog; I don’t want to encourage it. It makes sense, all their schizophrenics are running our town!http://
“Were already encouraging all the homeless to come here, because, the city and county government love them so much, and feed them at restaurants,downtown,and give them money to buy meth and crack, and lots of alcohol,and let them park anywhere they want.”
“It sure makes you want to get a bunch of people together, and go back to vigilante-ism.! We don’t have any police anyhow and we don’t have any jail! I say, get out the white sheets, and the crosses, and the torches, and make them get out of town!”she paused for effect; http://
“and that stands for the local government, too! Why the hell don’t we get rid of them, some late night, with lots of tar and feathers? And run them out of town on a rail?” I knew she was a big step for my friend, to say that; she hates the South, and Dixie, just as much. A true Northerner.http:// http://
I thought to myself, she was pretty much right, and the people in this town put up with so much shit! ” They remind me of my relatives, in Washington state, they’re so darn passive! They wouldn’t do anything if a logging truck rolled over them!probably because they used to work with the lumber industry, and that was part of their job anyhow.”http://
it didn’t take much intelligence to work with lumber and cut trees down; just a really strong back. Once that was gone, if you are married to one, you inherited a whole lot of empty beer cans all over your sofa. Who needs to get married here? It’s like getting married to a corporation named BUD.
and now that all that work was gone, there wasn’t anything left. No jobs, lots of hippies and environmentalists; they had the PIELC convention here, every year at the University, as much as it did any good. (That’s the National Environmental Law Conference.)
Already, the outside farm land of Lane County that had Parvin Butte, had lost the battle to keep a huge gravel company, from decimating Parvin Butte, right into an enormous pile of gravel, to haul it all away 24 hours a day, seven days a week, with all the adjacent noise and explosions.so if the PIELC was a real environmental law conference, whose side were they on? I guess they weren’t on the side of Parvin Butte? http://
“you’re lucky you got off with getting mugged,” I said to my friend, after I asked her if she needed more ice for her eye, “if you lived out there by Parvin Butte, way out where all the little farms are, you’d probably be getting your ears blown off with dynamite about now. Much worse than a mugger, I guess.I hear those blasting people go at it 24 hours a day, and those farmers out there don’t get any sleep anymore.”http:// http://
“yes,” said my friend, applying more ice, “I also don’t understand that; don’t we have any laws in this county? How could they just go in there, blast that butte to nothing, that’s the center of their town, and the commissioners of this county don’t do a damn thing?
“Are we actually living in hell, and not America? Are we actually living in Russia now?” She got more irritated. “HOW COME Oregon takes all these god damn liberties with all the law?did I miss something, and there’s no constitution?”http:// http://
“listen,” I said, lowering my voice slightly, and looking out the window to see if we had the usual old people jogging by, try to keep their hearts in shape, right after the bypass surgery, “I did something. I sent a couple letters to the FBI, one in Washington and one in Seattle, telling them all that bull shit about all the illegal stuff, all the bribing, and stealing tax money, and all the stuff that’s going on in our local government! You know, all that stuff is federally illegal!”http:// http://
My friend looked at me, as if I didn’t exist; “well, that just shows your as dim as the rest of them,” she said angrily, “you know the federal government is all ILLEGAL now anyhow! THEY DO ALL THAT THEMSELVES!!!What the heck do they care if it’s all illegal out here in the sticks? They don’t care about us as long as we keep paying them their taxes!” http:// http://
She had said something really intelligent, finally; what if we all stopped paying our federal income taxes, and all our federal taxes to the feds? I mean, they throw us all in prison, but could they throw in millions and millions of non-taxpayers? http://
Okay, maybe they could. Or, they could just deport us to Cuba? Yeah, that’s a type of death. MUERTE!! MUY MUERTO!!! YIIII!!!WOW!! HIJAS DE FIDEL!! No, I was not ready to become a Cuban peasant; being an American one was bad enough. Cubans don’t get cable. I also flunked Spanish.
“You DO have one idea going; what if we locked all the muggers and criminals into the new skateboard park??” She stared: ?? “It says, the park is almost finished; all it needs, is some old tree trunks, the timbers off the dissolving rotten train station, a lot of chain, and locks, handcuffs; you know, just stuff from a huge garden supply-home improvement box store!!!
” And we got—TAH-DAH!!! THE NEW SKATE-BOARD JAIL!!!When it rains, they just pull tarpulin over them!!Hey, it’s just like the Eugene Hilton Ballroom, without the seniors’ Xmas Dance!!” She stared at me, and finally chuckled. “I forgot, you’re a native, ” she said;”When all else fails, get a native to do it.” I looked blank; but then, that’s my usual expression. http://
I’m a native, that’s our emotional pattern. BLANK RAIN. http://
My friend thanked me for the coffee, I gave her a hug, and she said, “bye!” Got some shopping to do!!” Thankfully, her husband still had a checking acct; sigh. I ate two or three more muffins, with extra jam, and decided to hit a weight watchers’ meeting. http://
Hey, this is Oregon!!We’re big-boned here, we women need to keep up our strength!!Besides, Oregon fashion decrees” slap on the fat, don’t go out with no hat!”I was no exception. My standard wardrobe was 3x- nylon. –hat included. http://
But, after the next couple days, i was watching the national network news, (there was literally nothing on, )on tv., and there was a special story by Wolf Blitzer, about a new revolutionary approach to law-enforcement.
to my consternation, there on the TV screen in full living color, was my next door neighbor, with her eye looking a lot better, joined by her husband and a couple of other Eugene, Oregon citizens I recognized; they too, had been in the newspaper in the last month, having gotten mugged, attacked, burglarized, battered by meth freaks, old OCCUPY campers, and thrown out of community city –Mayoral-meetings, for refusing to vote in new taxes, and insisting that Land county and city of Eugene account for its spending, and tax-funding.http:// http://
why were they looking so happy? Standing next to Wolf Blitzer?and next to them, were a large contingent of the Royal Canadian mounted police, standing next to their horses, looking very regal and dashing in their Royal Canadian mounted police outfits. What the heck were they doing here? And why were the Royal Canadian mounted police looking so happy? http://
my friend, on the TV screen, was explaining to Wolf Blitzer, how they got the Royal Canadian mounted police involved, “because we figured that a lot of these burglars and rapists around here, might be wanted by the police of Canada! Some of them even had the Canadian Royal goose Mark, tattooed on them, that was the mark of the Canadian Mafia! So we knew we needed to contact their police, to come over here, and catch a bunch of them and take them back!”
Wolf Blitzer was looking very confused; maybe he didn’t know that Canada was a country here also.hey Wolf, thats the country that invented all the BEER! That’s why we Oregonians have BEER! Do you think we invented that all by ourselves? Sheesh!!http://
and over, Wolf Blitzer’s head, you can see the new Eugene skateboard park, and it was fixed up completely, kind of like a cross between a very large swimming pool, and the old Eugene Oregon jail.; there was lots of tree trunks, all chained to the overhead skateboard columns, that held up the freeway, http://
and all intermittently there were long chains of chain, spread all around, with lots of tarpaulin, and nylon net, and nylon tarpaulin, overhead, and underneath, so that the whole skateboard park looked like a tarpaulined , chained, Goth, indoor/outdoor, jail, and it already had a lot of inhabitants inside; you can see through the thick, slightly translucent plastic net, that many of them were chained, and in long rows, to the many overpasses concrete columns huddling in front of tiny battery-powered electric heaters..
It wasn’t the Eugene sheriffs department, Or the Lane Police Department; they were wearing the bright, distinguished, uniforms of the Canadian Royal mounted police. Wow! My friend had taken my suggestion, and ran away with it, all the way to Canada! But why were the Royal Canadian mounted police now guarding our new “skateboard/County and city jail”?http://
and besides the Canadian mafia they were taking back to Canada, why were they staying here? Many of them?”we are now paying our county and city taxes, that has to do with keeping a jail, and police supervision, to the Royal Canadian mounted police department, so that they will keep our jail here, in good shape, and make sure to keep all our local criminals in it.”, happily said my friend, into the microphone. ” We are no longer paying all those taxes to Lane County and the city of Eugene. (It’s okay, we have several really big attorneys on our side)” http:// http:// http://
I was dumbfounded; (although that was my usual state, more so than usual) my friend and her husband and all those citizens who were so disgusted, with our lack of local government, had done all that themselves, taken it all upon themselves, and now they were paying their taxes to the Royal Canadian police to be, our police, and keep our jail! And that $2 million for the skateboard park had finally paid off! We had some place to lock everybody up in, chain them in,in a real police force to keep watch over them!. http://
it didn’t matter that most of the jail was made out of chains, long rows of chains, all chained up to all the criminals, and to the columns of the freeway overpass, intersected with lots and lots of tarpaulin, and heavy plastic netting overhead, so that it was kind of a “freeway overpass/skateboard park/plastic jail”. http://
And it even had tiny little heaters, while the batteries lasted. There was nowhere in our county or city laws or bylaws, that said the jail had to be made out of concrete or wood or any very solid structure.
So it didn’t really matter WHAT it was made of.and as far as WHO the police department was, that watched over it, and regulated it,.since our local American government refused to do it, there was no way any ” Envision Eugene” could lambaste them in court, and refuse to let them pay their taxes directly to the Royal Canadian mounted police department, to patrol it and take care of it.
after all, what was the “government”, of Eugene and Lane County, going to do to my friend in the other citizens, for not paying them their taxes, instead? Put them in jail? Not on our watch. The jail, my friends, was finally under the control of THE VOTERS, and THE TAXPAYERS!– by way of their firm friends, the Royal Canadian mounted police, and the country of Canada.http:// http://
And, of course, the really tough attorneys. All hail the American legal.system!! it doesn’t work, and it’s completely destroyed, but when it works, it really WORKS! And it helps if your side has all the guns and rifles also. Definitely.so much for gun control, all those liberals can have it! http://
I was completely overwhelmed, especially at Wolf Blitzer who was still pretty cute for an old guy, but mostly it my friend and her husband, and the other stall wart, completely overwhelmingly out of patience, taxpayers, who had really taken my idea, and expanded it X potentially. I had to give it to them, then they probably would make me pay my taxes to the Royal Canadians also. I didn’t mind in the least. http:// http://
as they signed off, off of the news, I mused that Eugene Oregon had finally made the network news, although not exactly in an exemplary community form; more like an exemplary CANADIAN form. It doesn’t matter, all governments are screwed anyway!
So who cares if you pay your taxes to Mounties, or weird Canadians who drink too much beer and play ice hockey?and dance with bears? Sounds good to me. Of course, Mayor Kitty cat, was going to scream and yell like crazy, and try to sue everyone.http:// http://
That was fine with me also none of us had any money to sue us for! Even people who own any land here, knew that it was so worthless, it wasn’t worth any money anyhow! Like, my back acreage, I wish somebody would sue me for it, and take it off my hands already! Or at least make it into a trash dump.grow trees on it.
in the next newspaper I got,the next morning, had the headline, “Eugene Oregonians Sue Royal Canadian mounted police department and Canada!” – Over the fact that Canada had come over the border, to help we Americans, deal with our own lousy government. And a lot of the hippies were screaming yelling match. Well at least they were getting some exercise finally. http://
and what about Mayor Kitty cat? How would she go about suing all of us, and taking away all of our rollerskates and skateboards, from ourselves and our kids, as punishment for going against her? Oh well, the next weeks and months and years, would see about that.
In the meantime, Eugene Oregon, in the County of Lane’s citizens and taxpayers, and homeowners and kids and family people, would be a whole lot safer, due to the fantastic Royal Canadian mounted police. They also looked a lot nicer! Fashion I give a big plus!we already found stables, for their mounts. And a lot of rental places in nice hotels (okay, the Eugene Hilton, Haw Haw) in the meantime, well we could get there families down here permanently. http://
there were so many foreclosures, on people’s houses, there were plenty of cheap places for the Mounties to buy, or put strange American low interest homeowners loans on.http://
But the next time I talk to my friend, over the phone, who would take it all of my suggestions, and run with them, all the way to Canada, I chided her” okay, you like my suggestions, fine. But why didn’t you let me in on the action? After all, I’m single even though I’m old, there must be some old single Mounties I could put the moves on! I mean, it gets cold here too as well as Canada during the winter! I hate sleeping alone! Even though I’ve done it for years!” I whined over the phone.http:// http://
“we decided you had already done enough of the work,” my friend cheerily replied, “it’s not like you do more in life, any more than think anyhow. Your our big-time thinker! If you hadn’t thought of that mockup jail, and all that paraphernalia to put it together, we never would’ve gone ahead with the rest of it. You’re going to have to be content with being the Eugene THINKER. That’s not such a bad job!” http://
that gave me a lot of things to think about; was I the definitive, Eugene, Oregon, THINKER? Is that what I did? THINK? Think-edy, think think think? Like Hamlet, no action just lots of pretty words? No rapiers, no murder, just lots of soliloquies? Was I content with that?http:// http://
did I just sit, calmly, regard Eugene, and Lane County, criticize it, hack it to pieces with words, and then try to piece it back together, with CHAINS? Oh, and tarpaulin? while other people went out, chased down the Royal Canadian Mounties, get their attorneys, and strap all their plastic prisons, and skateboard parties together, and do all the doing? Do all the acting? Act all the doing? Do all da, do, do, do? Act all the act, act, act? http://
wasn’t that a pitiful way to live?no, as long as I eventually get some advertisers, and get some stupid idiots to PAY ME for all this dumb blogging! That’s my aim in life, get my own taxes paid! Get my own axes FLAYED! Get some cute Mountie LAID!http:// http://
(from, the unique town of, Battle Creeked– Eugene, Oregon, home of the weirdest and worst, priorities of any mad Hitchcockian author, or any crazy Mayor, Council, and commissioners! Sandraminadotty, me-ow me-ow!! 🙂 http://http:// AND smileys mostly from “smileydesign.net” 🙂 http:// http://