AH, all the wonderful environment of green and exotic, politically correct Eugene! I was tripping down the sidewalk, on my way to the old City Hall,downtown, to a wonderful collaboration of local politicians and government officials, who were meeting with all the wonderful citizens of our town and county.

Of course I had to step over all the meth addicts, who were freaking out on the sidewalk, and making it hard to get there on foot. Maybe I should’ve taken a cab; at least I would’ve avoided some of the heroin addicts begging for spare change, and trying to rob you and steal your purse.  http://Smiley pixeled by Smileydesign

(“NO I do not have any spare methadone to give you!”)

but why worry about that? After all, we were so ardent about getting rid of our carbon footprint, and stopping “global warming”, world climate change, and helping all the poor Africans in Africa, by adopting a lot of them, that we weren’t worrying about our own town and our own meth addicts.preposterous!shared_cig.gifdopers

After all, we should be babying and supporting, and giving money to our own addicts first! Before taking care of all the AIDS victims in Africa, who are having a good time spreading it all over.

.anyhow, this public city Council meeting was very important;our wonderful Mayor Kitty and our superb politicians and Council were going to talk to all of us, and convince us that they were listening to all our demands and questions and needs, and then go back to their offices, and decide to do exactly what they wanted to do after all – and forget that they ever talked to us.   http://Smiley pixeled by Smileydesign

But it was a wonderful way to convince the public that our city of Eugene and government of Lane County was actually listening to the citizens and taxpayers and not just doing whatever they liked (although that’s exactly what they did all the time anyhow.)

what a great gimmick; kind of like what the Democratic or Republican Party used, when they wanted to get elected to the White House, tell everybody what they wanted to hear, and then do whatever they wanted to after they got in.

as I padded along in my dress shoes,trying to avoid tripping over all the homeless people lying all over the sidewalks, and all the garbage and puke, and fecal matter all over the street, I decided that I should have taken a cab after all. Whats a little Money, when you want to keep your shoes clean, and not be attacked by another mugger, like last week?http://Smiley pixeled by Smileydesign

Two muggings in 2 Weeks Is Way too many.

there ahead was City Hall, gleaming and shining, impressive with heavy goldleaf and ivory columns, great sheets of marble, expressly from Greece, and imported granite from one of the most important granite mines in France, or Italy. What a way to break a budget!

So why did the mayor want a new City Hall anyway? Didn’t she have enough ivory and heavy goldleaf, and expensive imported granite on this City Hall? I suppose she wants to honor the solid teak desk she has in her office, and give it better atmosphere to live in.

she and the County had already re- decorated the police department, fired all the cops, and let all the very important, most dangerous rapists out of jail.

WHY keep the County jail, when you refuse to keep anyone in it?

I knew the money spent on the interior decoration was much more important then keeping the rapists in jail, but did the Mayor have to go over-board with the redwood-lumber vaulting, and the silver faucets in the bathrooms? they never kept enough rapists and murderers in there, to justify the expense!!They let them out,every day, after they were arrested, so they could go assault someone else!!http://Smiley pixeled by Smileydesign

The Mayor had enough budget for the jail, but she hated giving the poor criminals claustrophobia.

what’s more important then our own rapists’ mental health? not ours’ ; the mental health dept. was with no staff, while the Mayor was choosing the color scheme of the new homeless village, with the money. Viridian or maple? Orange or summer blue? 

But the most important ones! Slashers and stranglers! Some of the worst or best  home grown murderers and rapists, were getting let out to honor us with their presence in our town.no wonder adopting pit bulls was so popular again.

Don Kahle at the newspaper was correct; women in Eugene had to carry cell phones at all times, so they could call an ambulance (if they were still conscious)once the rapist had mangled them into pieces, so they could get to the hospital while they were still breathing. Or, just to the local mortuary.   http://Smiley pixeled by Smileydesign

(in truth, women with certificates to carry guns were a lot more popular than cell phones here.)go to one of the classes at the Baron’s den, if you don’t believe me.

timidly, I entered the vast golden portal of City Hall, and found that there were no guards or police guarding the door; they had two homeless people with switchblades, ragged and dirty, and with signs saying “please support homeless village, give us a couple of million dollars or two now!”they looked like a couple of weary vultures, strung out on amphetamines,who just wanted to go home, and sleep under the freeway. Or, just crash in somebody’s backyard.

I really decided I didn’t know whether to feel sorry for them, or envy all the millions they were going to get for their homeless villages.”hi, guys what’s hangin’?” “Pretty good, we got pledged a couple of million from out of town Kennedys, so things are looking up. And we also got a pledge from the governor of California, to put in a marble bar, in the new City Hall, since the mayor promised us we would get access to it also.” The two of them smiled brightly.

oh well, I decided I didn’t feel sorry for them after all; I couldn’t afford to put in any kind of bar in my stupid shanty. And besides, I didn’t drink anymore. I just tried to eat once in a while.

“Hey, that’s great, guys! Watch out for those Kennedys , though; some of them are pretty demented, and they finally got that one who murdered his next-door neighbor put in prison.” “Hey, don’t worry about them, they are mellowed out. It’s all that money, they say it really mellows you out.”http://Smiley pixeled by Smileydesign

I suspected it did.I gave them a wave, and a smile and trotted into the marble door way, trying to avoid the diseased pigeons fluttering over our heads,who very accurately dropped moist , noxious pidgon pudding on to our heads, aiming with the surety of military training.

(Did they really train pigeons to drop noxious bombs in the Middle East? Did it do any good? Or did it just make the middle east a little bit more smelly? Probably not much, it already stank like hell.

.I mean, a veteran told me those Arabs never washed those sheet-duds, and they sweated in them, and hated using deoderant; when they visited the White House, and met Pres. Reagan, Mrs. Reagan almost passed out from the smell.

She later told the press they smelled like a combination of rotting whale, bad sardines, and crank case oil that had been out in the sun too long.

Strangely, the rich perfume makers of Egypt came out with a new scent around the same time, that was rumoured to be made from camel and  medjool dates, rose atar,and people in Bagdhad went crazy for it. But then, these were the same folks who lived in smelly sheets; tastes differ everywhere. UGH.)

I followed the small signs that told the direction of the main conference room, that held large crowds;the vaulting in the main corridor showing of  Italian blue and white marble, some of the rarest; and the wooden beams also had a lot of beautiful polished redwood   http://Smiley pixeled by Smileydesign

On the way, I could see the night staff, who were in tuxedos, carrying silver trays to some of the City Hall staff in their meetings. I wondered who was doing the catering.

In all this wonderful luxurious architecture, I tried to keep my mind on the present subjects we would be discussing.

The fact that all the schools were broke, and were disassembling; the jail was always empty because they threw out all the murderers and rapists back into the community. Lane County mental health department, had no psychiatrists or staff on call, in case of emergencies with severely ill mental patients, and they also had some dangerous patients who were not getting surveillance or treatment, because the department was not getting any money, as befitted a serious health department..

yes, it was hard to keep your mind on the real serious subjects, while you meandered through the huge luxury of City Hall, and the strong smell of money spread throughout the air system;was that a hint of Beluga caviar? Probably, they were still getting over celebrations after Christmas and the new year.

.I finally found the main door to the largest conference room swung the side door open, and minced into the room, where a large assemblage of taxpayers and angry citizens were seated, crowded and standing, wherever they could,and found a bronzed head of Lincoln to sit on. all other seats were taken.

the conference was direct,foreword, and Ernest; (was that Ernest from willamete drive?,) the head of the tax payers complaint  organization, got up on the dais, and gave a good speech very angrily asking our officials, the mayor, and the Council, where all our tax dollars were going instead of into the County jail.  ((?? WHERE? WHERE??!!!! )

Mayor Kitty got up, jingled her gold ear rings, paused to fold her fingers so the diamonds didn’t crunch together;”it is necessary for us to start the new year by building a new City Hall; we have the money for it, it is all accounted for, it’s in the budget, and we’re going to build it.”   http://Smiley pixeled by Smileydesign

she paused, eloquently, grinning, while the gold inlays twinkled melodiously in her teeth.

And then, she sat down and stopped listening.all the appeal for money to go into school funds, or try to keep the County jail open, simply melted like tiny snowflakes in the atmosphere, not being listened to by.the council; they and the mayor had already decided,and although the crowd yelled, and shouted, and made their anger felt, the Council and Mayor simply filed out, and went out of the conference room.

 the meeting was over.

on the way out, through the grumbling and rage muttered by my fellow taxpayers and Eugene citizens, the frustration and impotence were strongly registered by all; the jail was going to stay closed, the rapists and murderers were going to stay in the community, there were no funds allowed for the schools, and the mayor decided to build a brilliant gorgeous expensive new City Hall.

oh, and she was also going to shower her pet project, the homeless Village, and the several low income and homeless multistory housing development, “projects”, with a lot of money; millions of dollars. nOT to mention the millions-dollar the new EMX bus project, that would digg up the county,take private homes by force, and take millions we did not have, to maintain.

I decided the Mayor still thought she was mayor of New York City and had no idea she was in a piss-poor, broke,jobless county and state that was tottering on bankruptcy; that junk she was smoking must REALLY  be strong!

It was absolutely essential that money be sucked into the important City Hall municipal building project, whose beauty and importance reflected the beauty and importance of our Mayor, the Council, and the local government.

it looked like we were going to have to put up with the  presence of rapists and murderers right in our own community as a result (AGAIN).I guessed they were much too important to be kept in jail, when there were many other important things to do with that money.

all that wonderful new marble, for the new City Hall.

Interior decoration and exterior decoration had to be considered an important, valued, art project that reflected the glory and sophistication of Eugene and this County, and told everyone how much art and the humanities needed to be funded to make this community so special,  educationally sophisticated, advanced.

– and poverty-stricken.

what the heck do we need with a jail? maybe They don’t look very architecturally significant or modern.They are not “chic” and they don’t make the mayor and the council look important.They have no valuable art contribution, to impress art fanciers,and rich Eugenians, outsiders and tourists, but –   http://Smiley pixeled by Smileydesign

– how do we make sure that all the rapists and murderers only apply them selves inside architecturally significant buildings?like for example, the new City Hall?

  – – that’s where all the City Hall staff are going to work!

(NAAAH!!  they don’t dare assault the Mayor, so “What-Me_Worry?”)

   http://Smiley pixeled by Smileydesign(TO BE CONTINUED).http://Smiley pixeled by Smileydesign


the next day, as I was munching on a piece of toast and having tea, I noticed a small article way in the back of the newspaper:


“Lane County has a old history of the Ku Klux Klan, buried back in far distant antique times; some as far back as the 20th century. Although no Ku Klux Klan organizations now exist in Eugene, or even in Springfield, this reporter on investigation of link to the KKK and other states, found that there is still a possibility of remnants of the KKK existing in Oregon and Lane.

“On investigation,this reporter found that there were clues; the vast amount of owners of 4 x 4 trucks in the County; in many neighborhood, various front yards full of junk, torn apart cars and trucks, spare tires,and collections of Coor’s silver bullet empty cans by the thousands.

“Also, the immense amount of pregnant women with five or more kids, who were unmarried except for a boyfriend or two; ownership of 10 or more stray dogs; additionally one of the largest cat and dog SPCA buildings, housing as many as several hundred thousand stray dogs and cats, not to mention the huge population, estimated to be in the millions, of stray cats and dogs wandering among the city and County, who were feral. – But very fertile.”

“– And one of the largest homeless populations (of human beings, that is) in the whole United States, just in this one city, Eugene, and County of Lane.

“It was also estimated that New York City, having found that Oregon was welcoming to the homeless and destitute, had been sending their homeless to the Pacific Northwest, and getting them on local welfare, unemployment, and food stamp lists.”

“these many clues added up to the belief   that the old Klu Klux Klan was still alive and probably underground in the state of Oregon, and in Eugene and Lane County.   http://Smiley pixeled by Smileydesign

“We don’t know what all those clues had to do with the KKK, but it’s nice to know they’re around also, since we have all the Oakies, Arkies,and White Trash from the poorer southern states, who are most likely to be in, and JOIN the KKK, or to form new chapters here. “

“there’s nothing that the KKK loves more,then a whole bunch of white trash from the South, and a bunch more white trash from San Diego, Los Angeles, and San Francisco, Northern California.

“and.you can be sure that FEW things are hated more, by the Klu Klux Klan, then a bunch of hippies from California, who still watch the TV show “Californication”, and get  nostalgic.”

I kept reading the article, mystified; did this mean that Mayor Kitty and members of the Council were in danger of any kind? Probably not, unfortunately. It was well-known that the mayor carried a couple of handguns in her purse and her person, when she worked late night in City Hall, trying to find more frivolous way to break the budget.there was absolutely no chance that she was in danger of any kind.–DANG! 😡http://Smiley pixeled by Smileydesign

as I was perusing the rest of the newspaper, and looked over at the personal ads,(because sometimes they were hilarious, and often were looking to hook up with local aliens from outer space,)I saw a tiny little ad with the hallmark of the Mayor’s office:


“wanted for hire, experienced bodyguards for personal and office protection of Eugene city and Lane County protection of Mayor Kitty; must have movie star and celeb experience in either the great movie capitals of Europe, or just Hollywood and Los Angeles. Either male or female; must be over 18; no actors equity card accepted; pension and health benefits provided by PERS medical insurance at 500%.: appearance must be neat, clean, shaven, and short haircut. No beards or long mustaches (a specially on women). Excellent salary, possible future in city and County political offices negotiable.

“Please apply to; CITY HALL,1111 18th St., Eugene, OR, 97402 (no war vets  need apply; priority given to applicants with  experience with the AK-47)”     (???)


That evening I got a hold of Ernest;”yes, Ernest, it looks like a great job but one thing;”

he asked, “what’s that? Is it about my record?”

“Yes, it’s about your war record. I don’t think you better mention it. Just say that you got lots of experience with the AK-47 – – –uh – while you were in the Bahamas, diving for pearls, all those years. and all the pearl divers had really tough sharks, you had to use them on.so that’s how you got all your experience.”

there was silence on the other end of the line; I think he was wondering if the question came up, the fact that he actually couldn’t swim.that might be hard to explain though.

“Okay,” he finally said, sighing heavily; “I really need to get a good job, and every time I say the word WAR VET, in Eugene,I get a dirty sneer, a sarcastic giggle, or an open mouthed “UGH!”. I won’t even mention the word “vet” don’t worry.I don’t even tell my dog, what I was doing all those years!”

(that was understandable; he had adopted a poodle from California.)

“great,” I said, relieved that my poor friend would finally get a job. “that sounds wonderful,. Just be yourself, dress nicely (whatever that meant in Eugene, I still didn’t know!galoshes? Umbrella?University of Oregon sweatshirt?)

“there’s just one thing I want to ask you,”my friend ended his phone call with; “am I going to have the evenings off once in a while to go to my club meetings?”

“what meetings are those?” I asked.

“wal,my once a month meeting of “the Confederate Sons Of The Southern Nation, ” he answered. “Don’t worry, I never talk about them, I figure that nobody else except regular, real, Oregonians know anything about them anyhow and understand them.and that’s not likely to be anybody in City Hall.” (“and,” he whispered into the mouthpiece, “I don’t even tell my dog!”) :0

I was quiet for a second; I told him, that sounded okay, and I was sure that he would get the job. He probably would; the mayor and the city office let it out on the grapevine, that they were looking for a bona fide Oregonian, somebody who’s relatives had lived here for generations. Well, that was Ernest.


toward the end of the week, while I was once again looking through the really boring newspaper, and munching on more toast, whole-grain or whole wheat, with organically manufactured, organically grown current jelly, (DOUBLE –UGH!) and I was once again cruising through the personals, hoping to find a rich 70 or 80-year-old single guy, who was looking for a date with  a  desperately single, and not so rich, but equally eligible 64-year-old female, (MOI )and I happened on a small announcement once again with Hallmark of the mayor of the city of Eugene:


“NOTICE: personal bodyguard hired by Mayor Kitty, Wednesday, with experience in Pearl diving and use of AK-47, to protect the mayor from angry, terrorist, taxpayers and local property owners’ threats of death and dismemberment,over:

(1.)new income taxes, (2.) new local property taxes, (3.) new increased wastewater taxes,and (4.) new and increased parks and recreation maintenance taxes,and (5.)  new and increased downtown renovation taxes, and (6.) new taxes for added hours to local librarys. ”

WHEW!!! ( no new drug and alcohol taxes? I guess we got off easy this year.)

–and about my friend Ernest, getting that great job with all the City Hall benefits and health insurance! I guess that would take care of his little lung injury, long ago, from the baby leopard sharks. How great! And they say nothing good happens in Eugene Oregon, except taxes.!

on the other hand, since nothing was sure in Eugene and Lane County, except death and more taxes,and all our community meetings had failed to make any impression on the Eugene government, concerning the fact that we were all broke, bankrupt and losing our homes, I had decided myself, to seek out and join “THE CONFEDERATE SONS OF THE SOUTHERN NATION”, and start going to clandestine nighttime meeting.

what could it hurt? I thought to myself.at the very least, I know they would teach me to use several types of handguns, the AK-47, and rifles with scopes, and make sure I got plenty of practice with old tin cans and midnight shooting partys.

at that rate, they could close all the County jails they wanted to, I would certainly be ready for all the rapists and murderers. That really made me feel SO GOOD inside. maybe one day, we might  even be able to solve that nasty little problem about having too many taxes.

“Sons of the Confederate Nation”, as a new member,I salute you! 🙂

(sincerely,signing off, Sandraminadotty, in Eugene, Oregon, and Lane County, where there’s no such thing as gun control, and absolutely no such thing as TAX CONTROL!)      http://Smiley pixeled by Smileydesign


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