Aside

here I am waiting for the planet to die. What do I do in the meantime?well, I can send a bomb through the mail to Google in Mountain View California, I guess that will be fun for them. They have bomb sniffing dogs there,no it doesn’t really bother them.

But if I send them white powder in an envelope, they start to get a little antsy. That could make them a little nervous, they’re still human beings (I think). They haven’t completely become androids are robots yet, and that stuff like powdered white stuff in envelopes could hurt them physically. So that’s one thing they probably won’t like. It’s only ground-up aspirin. But they don’t know that. I’m having a lot of trouble getting ahold of the real stuff.

WHAT TO DO WHILE THE EARTH DIES:

Every day I will have to think of something new to do while waiting for the planet to die. I won’t have to wait very long give or take a couple of years or even sooner. For example, since the oceans are dying in the rain forests are dying, together the two make up all the oxygen for the planet that we breathe.

0 By the Way here is an advertisement for NUANCE! THE VERY WORST SOFTWARE FOR DICTATION! NUANCE and Dragon NaturallySpeaking will ruin all of your writing, and all of your letter and business correspondence. You can take it from me, if it’s Nuanc it is trash..

I can see myself now usingDragon NaturallySpeaking, and not having anybody understand the letter. That’s because the stupid junk, made by Nuance actually doesn’t work anymore. Version 9 did work, but version 11 is so bad, it keeps getting worse and worse because they are supposed to send you, all the updates, and they don’t do it unless you leave your computer open and ready and on every single date they want you to leave it open so they can send the updates. Since most people of course cannot do this, you never get Nuance Dragon NaturallySpeaking version 11 updates. So the software keeps degrading. For God sakes, don’t buy any of this stuff! Hire a typist instead you’ll still come out ahead.

Oh yes what was I saying what was I doing yesterday, waiting for the planet to die ? (Any huge mistakes in spelling or completely unintelligible writing, you can blame on NUANCE, makers of the worst possible dictation software in the whole planet! Dragon NaturallySpeaking version 11, worse than the Holocaust! And just as unintelligible. If you like, give them a note, and tell them I said for me, I wish to hell they would go to hell. Instead of putting me there.)

At this point this blog is not very witty or fun. Because yesterday, when I was in the neighborhood Safeway, we had a little thing that is happening in our town now, called a “massive convergence on a supermarket.” Everybody knows that there is millions of supermarket shoplifting going on, everywhere, even with all the security cameras on, and they can catch everybody. That’s because everybody has no money to eat, so the only thing to do is go shoplift food, and everything else. So I was in my local bedraggled Eugene Oregon Safeway the other day, trying to look at the canned boondoggle I’ll. You know, the aisle where they keep all the boondoggles. I like to buy boondoggles when I have a few spare change. Which is not often.

Anyhow, there I was trying to figure out how to get enough spare change without begging, to get an extra boondoggle to eat for lunch, because Meals on Wheels no longer had any food left. And I wasn’t at home anyhow. I have let the electricity go out, I couldn’t pay the bill. (I am in the library on their computer writing this and getting online.) Suddenly I noticed that Safeway is quite full of people for this time of day, and this economy. Because usually there isn’t anybody in here, nobody has any money to buy food.

But as I looked up and down the candy aisle, and notice all the little kids looking longingly at the bad plastic licorice, and the overrated Hershey’s bars, that you pay $.60 for for a tiny inch of chocolate, that’s not very good anymore, I noticed that the people in the supermarket looked a little nervous or rattled. They also did not look like the richest people in the world; one of courses is Eugene Oregon, even though it’s owned by the rich people upstairs, and run by them, the most of the population are all poor in Eugene Oregon, and that is the usual thing. But what are they doing in Safeway instead of a discount bargain outlet shopping for dented cans? Was there a super sale on?

Somebody was glancing at the kids and saying, “PISSED! Go ahead, get what you want and put it in the basket and will get out of here!” I looked up to see a very bedraggled mother, with several little kid, and for some reason she was telling him to go ahead for one, and get some candy and put it in the basket. Did you just get her food stamps? That was impossible food stamps were all getting cut. It’s not like they wanted to perpetuate the species of all these poor people after all! So why was she encouraging them to grab all the candy, like they were going to buy it?

I was just turning into another file, to look at the potato chips (just look at them, not by them) and I noticed that another kind of ordinary poor Eugene citizen, jobless then on food stamps then welfare and unemployment, and with the usual five kids, was putting a lot of peanut butter, steak, potato chips, tortilla chips, hot dogs, and other wonderful luxurious goodies, into his basket. That was unusual. You really can’t shoplift that many pieces of food at one time! How was he going to pay for them? Did this person suddenly get bumped into the upper echelon of billionaires who could afford Hebrew national hot dogs? Not likely.

The whispering and rustling of cheap, cracking, drying raincoats, and old jackets, was making the restless all over the store. It looked weird, it sounded weird,; one of both of the checkers were looking uncomfortable. God I hate this stupid fucking software! Can’t we go back to the 50s when they actually had real dictation ware that really works? Instead of the stupid Dragon naturally unspeaking? And yes the store was uncomfortably full, for a week day, when nobody was supposed to be in there because everybody was broken and the rest of them were out looking for work that wasn’t there

. But everybody was doing the same thing, filling up their cards with food, actual real MEAT and things I hadn’t seen for many years. Artichokes! Brussels sprouts! They must be from out of state or even Latin America, because Oregon didn’t grow any food anymore.. The weather was so horrible, nobody could get any sun, or good enough weather to grow food in Oregon anymore. Everybody made a big show of spring, and gardening and seeds, and all that wonderful bullshit. And then they went to the store and bought Mexican tomatoes.the farmers market had “organic produce”, which was code for “boutique food”, extremely expensive as it was at Versaille, when Maria Antonnette had her cute little food, while the peasants couldn’t even get cake.. If you like “boutique tomatoes,” cute little expensive tomatoes at about five dollars apiece, they would look cute bronzed on your dresser.

But here in this stupid Safeway, nothing was boutique. Everything was antique. Old. All the old people were out, there were some rough looking customers, with shopping carts, looking out of place, and some guys who look like they should be in the merchant Marine. Either that or the real Marines. TOUGH. Not what I’d expect to see in Safeway on a weekday. And there were little kids everywhere, grabbing lots of sacks of overpriced Hershey’s chocolate. (I myself is skewed Hershey’s, in favor of imported 80 or 90% cocoa). So what was going on? Did any of them have cell phones? What did that have to do with anything? Was this going to be a “demonstration” of some kind? They had to have some kind of certificate from the city, to do that ahead of time or they get arrested. Anyhow, you can’t protest and revolt, without having a permit. That’s really unethical.

Suddenly, there was a lot of heat from over on that canned minestrone aisle; I thought that was unusual in Eugene during the summer we don’t have any heat or sunny here! If we do, it’s because world climate change is foisting a temporary solar flare on  us, and it is not summer. We don’t have summer here, we have warmer rain. Oh, and lots of cloudy skies. Lots of cloudy skies! But it looks like the canned minestrone ailse was on fire, and somebody had it torching his hand left over from a monster movie. Yes, the canned minestrone aile was on fire!the crowd became very restless and disruptive,enly I knew we were having a food fight. No, not a food fight, a food RIOT. Kind of a “common get it for yourself, and wipe the store out” type of riot.

And it must’ve been organized, because everybody was certainly taking charge, dumping huge amounts of food especially meat, into their shopping cart, and making for the door; or doors. Some of the clerks were getting in the way, and one of them got squashed by a very large woman in tennis shoes, who refused to be sidetracked. After that, the store clerk stayed out of the way, although one went for the phone to get the police

But, I think it was one of those days when all the police were off duty, because Lane County and city of Eugene, had decided to punish the voters for not putting in any more taxes, and had cut off most of their police force on your regular days starting with the  letter M..;.and every other letter in the alphabet. That made it simple. No police because you won’t vote in more taxes, we’re going to punish you you nasty voters!it was our fault for voting in Putin to the city hall.

there was a general rumble of shopping carts, hysterical gasps and groans, and jostling hungry people, and nobody could get out the door in time. You had to go over your fellow shopper, grab a bunch of nonexistent plastic bag you now had to pay for yourself, and head for the doors. Curses be if somebody got in your way.lots of people got their toes managed but since nobody could feel anymore, not having any nerves left in their bodies, nobody actually build anything. I blame the medical marijuana stores forgetting overenthusiastic with sales items. Whatever. Anyhow, it was general mayhem, and you had to get out of the way or get squashed, if you stood in front of anybody with a huge pile shopping cart, or a couple of loaded shoulder bags. The worst part was the BOOZE;some idiot actually thought that beer was  food, and they were taking out also. However we found out, there was a huge barrel of beer, for some reason, which was unusual for a supermarket weigh-in at back, and several guys were rolling it out through the rubber doors, heading for the front. I couldn’t believe it it even said COORS on it. Maybe the Mayor was having a keg party again. And I know she wasn’t going to pay for it herself, she was taking it out of small change at the office.

The biggest giveaway of all, that this had been planned, was that a well-known columnist from the Eugene register guard was there, with a nice large button that said PRESS on his coat. He looked familiar, but he also looks stupid, so I knew that was the newspaper. That’s how they all looked. They also wrote that way. No wonder the paper was going under.I wondered if they had sent their ace reporter, the guy who did cute little essays on Sundays, about the covered bridges. So cute. Or maybe they sent the lady who gave out all those horrible recipes in the women’s section. Anyhow, thank God I can’t afford to take the paper.but nobody was there with TV cameras. YET.

There was a huge log pileup, like a whole bunch of lumber in the River, heading for the mill, all clogged up, trying to get through the same entrance, and the beavers weren’t letting them through. A logjam, as contrary to a berry jam. God that was terrible. I needed the levity. What levity? But it was really hysterical and getting dangerous. When would the police come? Oh yeah, what police? We didn’t have those either. But the shop clerks and the store manager were starting to yell, and one of them had a bullhorn and was yelling through it “STOP NOW! STOP! ALL SHOPLIFTERS WILL BE PROSECUTED!” One of the shoppers next him, hit him over the head with a large can, suddenly, surprising him, and took his bullhorn away. And stuck it in his cart as he made for the door. Okay, so we weren’t in Albertsons. Albertsons has its own police force.

Myself, I realized that I had lost some weight, not from going on a diet, but from not having money, and I rummage through the  pastry section, and grabbed a bunch of Swedish, Danish, and otherwise big packages of pastry with filling, and a big can of almond paste. But I had to be quick, all the pastry was going fast. Soon the only thing left would be wheat bread, and nobody here wanted that. That was for the middle class yuppies, as these were a bunch of white bread eaters. But I could see the open door up ahead, and I was going to make it, the lady next to me had several dozen stakes, and a large roast, and I looked at the kids running beside her, he looked like he had ever seen anything like that. Like, “is that meat? Where does it come from? How come we haven’t had it before? Has it just been invented” kids say the darndest things when they’re on a run escaping through Safeway doors, helping their moms steal a bunch of food. Linkletter should’ve been here.

As the thundering herds were rumblings through the wide open doors, shoving the sales clerk aside, and aggravating the managereven further, because he had lost his bullhorn, heavy duty loud BANG suddenly went off, and everybody shook and looked around; somebody had let off a gun at the ceiling, and one of the florescent lights broke, crashed with a tinckle. But there was a sigh of relief, it wasn’t a cop, it was only some guy with a large Magnum, trying to be Clint Eastwood. He looked like a mental patient. I mean, he was a regular Eugene resident. And he looked okay, he was waving the gun around, grinning, through broken teeth, and a large beard, and uncut hair and lots of whiskers. It was okay, the law wasn’t here, it was only harmless regular rioting for Oregonians, out for a little picnic.I also noticed he had a button on his label that said “OCCUPY”, so it was distinctly okay. Absolutely okay.

I had already gotten through the door, and was counting my purchases, I mean gifts, and noticing that the entire store was really heating up with the fire, and they better get everything out soon or all the chocolate was going to melt. And they were going to have an uncomfortable barbecue in the meat section. Of course there wasn’t any meat left by this time, and the shoppers were rumbling through running galloping and crowding through, shopping carts flailing, lots of people carrying huge packages, and even lentils. I guess anybody would eat anything when they’re hungry. I didn’t see any Indian priests though, so I guess there were too many desires for human and stuff like that.

Oh my God! How is this going to end? What was going to happen? Who was going to do what? Was I going to get caught with all that pastry?what about the meat market, would they get pissed off because of this? Would Safeway decide to get out of Eugene altogether? Maybe they would shut down some more stores. Who cared? We could always hit Albertsons and Fred Myers next time, and not give them any notice ahead of time. But who was that coming in the door, was that the black Maria?( more next episode, while I get the canned olive oil out from underneath my feet, so I don’t slip on the floor and bash my head in.)

Safeway supermarket sweepstakes extravaganza!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s