Caroline came over, right after Thanksgiving, and saw me reading the workbook “how to fix your PTSD”, with the sideboard having the extra book “if you were born and grew up in Lane County, Oregon: a handbook for abused children”.
“I wish you wouldn’t keep reading that book”, she said, taking off her coat. And grabbing a beer out of the refrigerator.” It just makes you more depressed remembering about the past.”
“It’s not like I could forget it, anyway”, I replied closing the book, and folding the page.” “you know my sister’s partners’ brothers’ wife? She was a child in foster care here, in this County, and she’s scared to death of ever having her kids fall into welfare and the foster child system; because she got continually raped by her foster parent when she was a kid.”. “but that’s only one case,” returned Caroline, trying to ease me out of it.
“Yeah,” I replied, ” but look at all our friends who grew up as kids in Eugene Oregon; my sister and her partner stayed about 300 or 400 pounds all their lives, had really self-destructive bad habits, my sister wound up an alcoholic and had to quit at AA.her partner smoked herself to death, has COPD on oxygen tanks, and renal failure.I could name all the others who had the same things happen to them, who were born here in this county.”
“About the alcoholism ;so did I.” I continued. “You know, lots of people drink or drug to FORGET, and to handle bad stuff from their childhood.and this County according to statistics and research, has the highest child abuse and child sexual abuse in all of Oregon.” I paused. “I think that’s because my family lived here, as for the percentages of the County! We could’ve put it in that percentage all by ourselves!”
“why do you think I go to this place?” I said, picking up the purple and white business card, that said “SASS: sexual assault and incest survivors Association” (or something like that, but I know the “SASS” is correct, and I know their phone number by heart – “541 – 343-7277 – or is it “7177?” Anyhow, I can dial it blindfolded.)
“Yes,” admitted Caroline, “I know that you’re crazy – I mean, you’re fucked up.but so am I.” I had to chuckle; “Caroline, you have all the signs of being a Lane County Oregonian, born here and bred here.” we both started laughing not humorously.
“but,” she replied, all of the rest of my family is in California.” “Well, my family lived in Sacramento for nine years, when I was a kid and in high school,” I said. “My dad worked for the missile industry in Sacramento, as an engineer,during the 60s, and he had this weird friend who worked in the same place, and he had a secret “sex club” on his property, that they shoved me into. And I was only about 15 or 16.
“Don’t tell me California and Oregon don’t have anything in common;” I continued, in an angry manner. “You could call them Sodom and Gomorrah;the Twin Cities of perversion.Sacramento, and Lane County.
“But you would never know it to look at them from the outside.” I kept talking; “Sacramento in California has all those aerospace engineers with excellent reputations; and in this County, Lane, in Oregon, we have all these dozens of churches and religious organizations!”I paused. “But my parents did go to church once in a while, and my dad was an engineer. So those wonderful harbingers of good reputation, don’t mean a damn thing in hell!”
Caroline looked at that paperback book, in my bookcase, called “Sybil” about the woman with the multi-personalities. “What was her problem?” She asked, pointing. “Well, there was extreme perverse sexual stuff that went on with her parents, and also her mother had schizophrenia,” I replied, “and was cruel and crazy, and her dad didn’t give a shit even though he knew.her parents had excellent reputation as pillars of the community! So you can see what people hide behind.”
“but nobody ever punishes,” I continued, going for a Coca-Cola in the refrigerator;”the people who do all that stuff to you, ruin your life! You know, the people who really get away with everything? ADULTS who have kids! They can do anything they want to, to kids and claim that it’s in their family, it’s private. Kids don’t have any rights at all.”
I pointed to my medicine bag, with all my pills and bottles and it; “You can’t get away with all that trauma early, and not get your brain warped into silly putty. It explains all the neurological medicine I have to take, that I couldn’t function without.on my birthday, I send my neurologist a happy Mother’s Day card.”
“I know about the recent murder of that girl, by her mother, who starved her to death,” said Caroline, sipping her beer. “And there’s other cases like that all the time in this County. I just don’t understand WHY it’s that way here.”
“for one thing,” I replied, “the 60s were a very LIBERAL period of time, when everybody thought they could get away with anything no matter what it was. And they did. And Take Lane County and Eugene; it has always been very very LIBERAL. Politically and morally and ethically.
“They all make the excuse here, that ANYTHING GOES, and it’s only gotten MORE extreme here, we have oodles and oodles of drugs, of the worst kind, we have theft and burglary and violence, shootings and murders every single day. Meth heads who freak out downtown in broad daylight. And everybody hides behind pretending to be EXTREMELY RIGHTEOUS, one way or the other and denies they’re doing anything evil, to anybody. That was how my dad was; he was a religious leader’s son, raised in a strict relation, and yet he thought he could do anything he wanted. SPOILED rotten.”
I paused. “So you don’t have to come from a bad family or low-quality low down family, to be extremely perverse and evil.all you have to do is RATIONALIZE everything you do to your kids; just to be in TOTAL DENIAL, and refuse to see them as people in their own right.”
“I guess it’s easier, to be that way”, said Caroline feelingly, “if you list yourself as extremely HIP, liberal and, all that bull shit. I know people down in California still, one woman is letting her 16-year-old daughter have sex with her own 42-year-old boyfriend. And she refuses to stop letting it happen.
“You know my relatives, found out about that, and they went to the police and social services in California? And you know what they said? Oh no, it’s fine, they have the mother’s permission, so you can’t go against the mother’s desires, even if the 16-year-old girl gets sucked in.at 16, in California then, a girl is perfectly in her rights to live with and have sex with a 40-year-old guy, and it’s considered fine and okay.apparently California has no laws against it anymore!” Caroline sounded angry herself.”legally, it was always supposed to be a type of legal rape, to do that to a minor. I don’t know what happened to the laws!”
“I know,” I said, continuing; “in my day and age, when I was 15 or 16, it was considered illegal. Even in California! So I guess since Obama has taken over, and some of those other wonderful liberal presidents and governors, we don’t have those laws anymore.I guess any 12-year-old girls can go around having sex, and probably nobody does anything about it.maybe there isn’t anything called “rape” especially of a minor, anymore!”
We both looked at each other; this was an extremely depressing subject, but we had to face it, because so many of our female friends had had sexual assault or incest happen to them, when they were kids or teens, especially by a family member, it was kind of an epidemic.
(do YOU have an uncle, or brother or sister or father in law or stepfather, you’d like to talk about in the comments? No, don’t leave your name, just tell us, if those percentages are correct, and this is so widespread.
” I know it not only happens among women,” I continued talking to Caroline, ” it happens to BOYS also, just not as often.I happened to know a couple of guys, really young guys, one was gay, and one was an alcoholic and a drug addict, and their mothers were both that way.”
(happily continued later, after I’ve eaten dinner, or thrown up a while, or gotten rid of a migraine, and take in plenty of brain medication.)
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